Husband's rottweiller solicitor!!

2nd question.
My husband told me yesterday that apart from not bothering to return the acknowledgement of service ....

That we should go for a 2 year separation .... why would he suggest this - we are going for a divorce for my husband's unreasonable behaviour - and his continued affair.
Do I have anything to gain by separating? no I don't think so!

Then he said it would be in my interest as his solicitor is going to crucify me!

Situation: £180,000 house.
mortgage o/s £25,000.

My salary - 14,290 part time
his salary - 27,800 although overtime and he has told
lies.

me a couple of part time hours pensions small.
him a 20 year royal mail pension.

Been living together 15 years, married 10 years, 1 child 13 years.

He pays the mortgage and bills from his account and I give him £250 a month and pay for food, car, shopping, clothes stuff for the children etc.

he says his solicitor is going to want figures going back years what I do with my money as I have not contributed to house ! bloody cheek. He says he does stuff around the house, picks kids up from school, does shopping, cleaning and cooking!!! Wants my finances going back to when we moved in and what I have done with my money!!

he also said that he would need somewhere to live and i would need somewhere to live and i would only need 2 bed flat for me and georgia and he would need 2 bed flat for him and georgia. and the solicitor would make me sell he house and give him 45/55 as we have a tenants in common.

I want to stay in my house. Why haven't I got a rottweiller solicitor she says have to be fair and reasonable and doesn't talk about finance with me - said mediation will sort.

I want 70/30 and bit of his pension. i want to stay in the house, I don't want to have to split 45/55 he wants an affair why should i move.

Am i being unreasonable. Scared, confused, pissed off,
any help, wording I could use, etc etc, would be gratefully received.

Thanks for ever
Carrie

Hello Carrie

Just wondered if you had tried the financial calculator on here. It might give you a rough guide as to where you stand.

Andy

He probably wants a two year separation because he thinks his position may be better two years down the line than it is now.

I can't myself see that mediation would serve any purpose. It takes two to mediate. Your husband doesn't sound like the mediating kind if he wants to crucify you.

Unfortunately, when your husband has a rottweiler for a lawyer it can make it appear that your solicitor is not doing her job properly. That is not necessarily the case.

I hate rottweiler solicitors. They are interested in only one thing - fighting till the end of the client's money.

That is one reason why I recommend people should always consult lawyers who are members of Resolution. Rottweilers and Resolution don't mix. Ideally I would like to see ALL solicitors practising family law to be members of Resolution or something similar. Then, and only then, can we take some sort of effective action against this behaviour.

Mike

I agree with Mike. He wants two years because it is in his interests. Not yours. Probably with the aim of avoiding child support and you keeping the house.....


Andy

I may be wrong, but info about who did what, when, where and how is irrelevant to financial settlement.
Your husband's solicitor will get most money by taking this to court and arguing the toss.

The court's overriding priority will be to ensure that Georgia and main carer have a roof over their heads and money to live on.

It is in your husband's financial interests to agree sensible terms with you, rather than give money to a solicitor.

many thanks! so keep my solicitor - try mediation - try and stick to my guns:

me keep house 70/30 cut

him out asap.


You are all great xx

carrie,

I fear mediation may be a waste of time.

You appear to have 155k equity between you.

Are there any other assets apart from the pensions??? Endowments? Savings? Do you have CETVS??

After a marriage/relationship as long as yours, contributions really will not be an issue. If his solicitor wants all this information, they will have to convince a judge it is necessary ... and that will only happen at a First Appointment when they submit their questionnaire. Your solicitor can challenge what they want to ask .. and the judge can decide if it is relevant...or not.

Don't get too hung up on percentages.This is likely to be looked at as a needs case .... is the FMH too large for your needs?? Be honest. If it is you will need to look at alternative properties and make sure you know how much you would have to pay for them.... Also check out what sort of mortgage you could get.

Are his housing needs met? How much would he need to spend to get a suitable property? He has a bigger mortgage raising capability than you .. could probably get an 80+k mortgage without too much problem.

You may well be expected to work full rather than part time to help support yourself. Is that an option? What could you earn?

Even on your current income you could raise a 45- 50k mortgage. I am not sure if maintenance and child tax credits would count towards and income and allow you to raise more. This would allow you to give him 20 - 25k now.
Is that plus a mortgage enough for him to buy a place - even one bed?? That is still only about 16% of the equity. If you are looking at a 70:30 split, you would need to find the other 21.5 - 26.6k you would need to give him. Have you a plan for this? Or wd you be looking atsay a 15% Mesher to be activated when your daughter is 18??

Have you considered foregoing a share of his pension for a better equity share?? In my case the equity split was 80:20 in my favour - but he kept ALL of his pension.
An 80:20 split wd mean you have to find 31k to pay him off - possibly just about do-able especially if you can work more hours.

I really think you need to start taking a long hard look at the figures and working out some practical settlement options. That is what a judge wd want to see put down as offers... with needs at the forefront.

Right now you are scared, upset and angry. Perfectly understandable. But if you are not careful, his "rottweiler" will do the same as my stbx's "vulture" and just end up racking up a ridiculous level of costs - 50k between us - and with no benefit for either of you.
In your shoes I wd go for a nisi ASAP ... don't wait. And take a very deep breath, try to forget all the hurt, take a long hard look at the figures and come up with an offer that you can live with and that a judge would agree with.

The most important thing is to get it settled so you and your daughter can have some peace of mind. The limbo of divorce is a very bad place to be.

x Hadenoughnow