Sealions \"final solution\"

Don't worry , I am not about to advocate mass round up's of lawyers , to be put into camps , rather , I believe that my suggestion may make the process more civilised .
When a couple decide to divorce ,they should be encouraged to go to mediation . This should be part of some "code of practice" that the legal proffesion should adhere to . The exeption would of course be , where domestic violence has occured, or is feared .
Any letters between solicitors should be cordial , get rid of the constant "mud slinging" . The instant reaction of most people , when getting a negative letter about themselves is to retaliate . this is pointless ,and just racks up the costs .
Once both sides are ready ,they should meet at a "round table" location to discuss finances , with their "FORM R"'s completed .
This process could be over in a fairly short amount of time , it would ease negotiation . Currently solicitors can "haggle " over the silliest details , sending snide letters to each other at our expense .
I firmly believe that co operation should be encouraged ,not conflict .
Divorce is not easy . It usually has many years of resentment stored up , couples should be activly discoraged from using their respective solicitors to "score points" over each other . It's a waste of time .
There will , of course , always be those who refuse to negotiate . It seems to me that when a solicitor "smells" resentment , he/she seems to use every oppuortunity to "fan the flames" . In the end ,it becomes like a nuclear war . No winners , just a pile of ash !

I'd be interested to hear what others think ,especially any solicitors reading .

Over to you

Hi sealion

You are so so right. I have been telling my stbx this since she started dealing with him in Dec2007. His letters are full of ambiguous statements which leads to further communication between all the parties and therfore additional costs. My wife and I had made a financial settlement between ourselfes back in early April which she took to him to draw up the legals, he disagreed with some of it and changed the offer figure, when I challenged the offer and asked how they had arrived at the new figure they were unable to tell me as they had not kept any notes. Appalling!!!! So over three months later it is still not settled and both solicitors are rubbing there hands.
She refers to him in first name terms as though he is her best friend which I find unprofessional. I could write a book on the subject.

Enouhg for now

This is basically how collaborative family law is supposed to work. The trouble is, there aren't very many solicitors trained in it in this country, and it takes both sides to have a fair bit of trust.

Sadie

Staffa
I know what you are going through . It is so frustrating . It nearly drove me mad .
Maybe you could show your STBX this:
I made her an offer in Sept 07 .
She insisted it went "to the wire" .
I ended up with my original offer , PLUS 40% of her pension . it cost her roughly £2000 EXTRA in solicitor fees .
I begged her to go to mediation , her solicitor said it would not be to her financial advantage to go to mediation!!
She ended up worse of ,and it cost her £2000 to get there !
And sexysadie , how right you are , unfortunatly there seem to be too many solicitors who look on it as a "war game"

From what I can make out , our own "Divorce lawyer" (Ammanda), and her firm is trying to get make changes .
Let's all get behind her , it won't help us , but it may help those in the future !!!

The problem i had was at first both of us had sols, then he self repped and thats when he slowed everything down , as child contact matters come first he knew he could use this as a way of stalling the AR.It should'nt of taken 2 yrs and 11 months to have resolved it could of been done in less than a year him seeing his children not the mess we have now which he has created.

Sealion,

A great post.

I think you are exactly on the right lines.

Wikivorce and NFLP are very keen to move things forward in a very similar direction to the one you put forward.

In some senses we feel education, openess and transparency early on in the process are key - so that the couple can make sensible informed decisions about how much of their marital pot they wish to blow on lawyers.

Some things that would help are a very clear guide to the costs that are likely to be incurred at each stage. Together with an independent view on what is at stake - i.e. the 'best' and 'worst' case court outcome.

Once people realise they are spending 20 K chasing a 10 K prize then the unnecessary expenditure on lawyers will reduce.

Which has to be a good thing.

One endlessly repeated scenario that annoys us greatly are those couples who start the process reasonably amicably. But end up fighting to the end due to the 'gap' created when they each visit a solicitor to get an opinion. Only for the solicitors to talk up their chances of a great result in court.

We aim to do everything we can to help the couple see reason before they allow themselves to be talked into a 'negotiating position' by a solicitor.

I am right in understanding that if you use collaboration lawyers and things do not work out ,you have to change lawyer and start all over again to take it to court?to me that was the deterent and I have been proved right not to take that path.