Is my solicitor an a***e?

Just letting off steam here - and many apologies in advance to the legal eagles on here who are unfailingly helpful to us all.

The story so far:

Separated since 2004
Divorce started Nov 2006 (me applicant - he started it - long-ish story)
Him on legal aid, me paying privately although now out of funds.
Decree Nisi May 07
1st Hearing Sept 07 (It took until late Aug to get form E out of him)
FMH joint valuation - Oct 07
Actuary pension valuation Dec 07
FDR (after adjournment) Mar 08
FH scheduled July 08.

Bear in mind this was to be an "amicable" divorce (his sol's words) and was to cost no more than £5k (my sol's words.

He is on legal aid; his sols are a nightmare - nitpicking about everything, pages of questions about everything - about the only thing they haven't asked is my shoe size!
Have given them everything.

My sol changed (same practice - new divorce specialist) and my bills are crazy. There seems to be endless points scoring in letters between them etc and I am being billed for reams of stuff that sems to be more about them both trying to "win" rather than trying to sort things out fairly.

Final straw was FDR when they engaged a barrister who didn't even seem to want to listen to me and bullied me into making an offer I could not afford. Luckily it was rejected.

Now trying to play hardball a bit but solicitor seems to have a***e firmly in hand as my mother used to say. I was sent an offer letter from the other side (my sol's sec emailed it to me as he was away) - have checked the figures and if they used appropriate valuations - ie actuarial ones rather than out of date CETV, the offer they say they are making, is the one I have already made post FDR (less than at FDR). Drafted letter to this effect and asked sol to send and only to comment if there was any legal point to consider.(am trying to stem the rising tide of riculous letters).

Anyhow, he has not sent letter, instead has written to me complaining, saying he may not be able to represent me if I don't let him advise me properly - and asking for even more money. He seems to have racked up bills of more than £1,000 since FDR on goodness knows what and wants more "on account". I have no more money. He has seen the statements. SO far have spent more than £15k on all this messingaorund and the issues are the same as at the beginning - How much is house worth, how much are pensions worth, how do we split them. I have the kids in FMH and want to keep it. He is housed and wants to keep pension. Aaaaaargh!

I think my sol should have come up with the figs and he should be suggesting this course of action to avoid FH and he should stop engaging in ridiculous battles with me as well as the other side.

What do I do now - am at my wits end with it all. Cannot discuss with sol as it will just cost me EVEN more.

(really have) Hadenoughnow

Hadenough
well i had fh and just took the easy option as couldno longer be arsed or afford the mounting fees, so I cut and run and suppose done ok... but had i had a dynamic sol maybe things may have been addressed earlier, my barrister was good, but as you say BULLY or what if he on my side felt for others
Anyway just got my final bill which is no less than 11k not inc monies paid already... so really i have joined the cynic sect and realse divorce can be such a money maker for the less scrupulous sols.... wiki sols esp ATTILA excluded from that catagory.
Thought my sol cared not so much as a bloody courtesy call since fh last monday, least he sent xmas card last year!!! wonder how much that cost me!!!
anyway keep pecker up the end is nigh!!!
looby x

Sorry if you've already posted this and I've missed it but what is the offer? How far off is it from what you both want? Would moving house be so awful if it ended all this stress, or would you end up homeless?

Seems you want all this sorted as soon and painlessly as you can - you have my sympathy - this must be all very stressful.

Thanks for your responses.

Ephelia,

I could sell the house but it would not really help the situation and would just cause a great deal of unhappiness to the children as it is the only home they have ever known.
The cheapest I could get a suitable house for round here (near enough to their school) would be about 20k less than the FMH is valued at - by the time moving costs, stamp durt etc etc are paid it just would not be cost effective. The FMH has enough bedrooms - 3 kids, 1 each and 1 for me but they are very small so floor area wise it is not particularly huge.
It also has room for my business which means I can work from home and be with the kids when they need me - and because I don't have office costs it makes the business a lot cheaper to run - plus no petrol etc etc.
We are already looking at a split that is very close to 50:50 of all assets - and given that I have the kids to pit through Uni and nothing from him now or in the future (or very much in the past for that matter)this doesn't really seem right.
He has a big pension, due any moment if he wants to take it, and does not need to be housed. In fact any cash he gets will be taken off his benefits until he is below a certain level so I may as well tear up £10 notes.

My real problem is the solicitors - they seem to be behaving like stags at bay. And now mine seems to be turning on me too. This is my life and my children's lives. He keeps going on about how he is "running" the casen - Umm and I thought I was "instructing" him. I also thought it was the duty of solicitors to do their best to get things settled without racking up huge bills. He knows I have no money left - he also knows I have paid every penny I have been asked for - although I have queried the bill on occasions and discovered I had been wrongly billed. Now he is threatening me on 2 fronts, a: he has to be able to run the case as he sees fit or he won't rep me and b if I don't cough up more than £1k plus more on account, he won't rep me.

I think I should have been a divorce lawyer .... and not the helpful sort .. then I wouldn't have any money worries.

Hadenoughnow

I cant say anything more than...really sorry you are having that experience - which I know doesnt help you.

Has anyone suggested the idea of a round table settlement meeting in the hope of thrashing it all out? While the day itself is not cheap, in the long run it can save money on letters etc and can be the end of many cases?

Amanda

Amanda,

Thanks for the thought. Believe me that is what I would very much like to do .. and even got my x2b to agree to it a face to face meeting some months ago. Offered to have both sols present if nothing else to stop the exchange of dozens of letters each raising a single point when one longer letter - or an immediate verbal answer - would do! I thought he understood that all this was costing thousands - money that could be better spent on the children.

BUT no ... 2 days after the meeting he signed a lot of paperwork including a document to sever the joint tenancy and a self serving and untrue statement about his contributions to the marriage. Now we are hurtling towards a Final Hearing.

We ended up in court in the first place because it took so long for him to produce his Form E. My sol said it was best to get it into court to move things on. mediation was never mentioned. I understand as he is legally aided it should have been considered but this case is complicated as he has developed a disability post separation. No doubt his sols would argue they are acting in their client's best interests - but he is not the poor helpless thing he is making himself out to be - although I am sympathetic to his difficulties even his doctor doesn't seem to think there is a great deal slowing him down at the moment - although his condition is likely to worsen in the long term.

My sol seems terrified by the diability issue also - bit I know this man. I was married to him for a long time. I was manipulated by his "illnesses" - mostly booze related. I know he is a lot more "able" than he is making out and I really do not see why my children - who have suffred enough - should be further penalised by his self centredness.

I know so many men who have walked away with very little in order to make sure their kids are OK ... he did not even mention his in the original letter about the divorce.

What I would really like is a second opinion on this case -so I know whether I should tough it out to FH and hang the cost - but I don't seem to have a way to get one without it costing even more money ..and I only seem to be able to speak to a barrister if my solcitor arranges it:S

Feel like I am trapped in a nightmare - a very expensive one at that!

Hadenoughnow

Hadenough - PM me, and lets arrange a chat - I will help you as far as I can...it seems this is getting out of hand.

Amanda