divorce

i've been married 17 years have 4 children (16,15,7,5)husband had affair and gave me lots of mental torture.Now finally he wants divorce and I don't because of the children. I want my older two to go to university at least and then if he still wants a divorce then I would agree. He has not filed for a divorce yet as he is waiting for my eldest to finish GCSE in 2 months time.can I contest the divorce? what are my rights. I dont want the divorce and we both do no have anyone else in our lives

Hi Madi,

You say your husband has had an affair and you suffer mental abuse from him. Wanting your children to go to University is lovely but how is your relationship with your husband currently effecting your children. I can understand waiting a few months for your eldest to complete their GCSEs but any longer I think will be unfair on all concerned. When the older 2 go to university I am sure you will find reason not to do it with regards where the younger 2 children are at.

No one can tell you what to do with your life, but if and when your husband does file for divorce why contest it? He obviously cannot see a way back if he files for divorce.

Is he likely to go for a 2 year seperation or cite your UB for an "immediate" divorce?

It is an expensive and emotional thing to contest the divorce. Do you really want to fight your husband through the courts to stop a divorce that he so obviously wants? If your husband were to move out, you could be seperated anyway, so surely that is still going to have a similar effect on your children.

I feel for you I really do, but wonder why you would really want to contest this divorce.

You and your children deserve to live in an environment free from domestic abuse (mental torture as you put it) and learn to live in an environment where you can all flourish and grow.

I think in your mind you believe contesting any divorce would be in your children's best interests but I would ask you to look inside yourself and ask the question, is it really the right long term solution?

I am not looking at this as just some by-stander believe me. I have been there, having 5 small children and being financially dependent on my now ex-husband.

You can find other ways Madi, better ways to help your children live a fulfilled life.

Best wishes,

Sarah

hi,
I think not doing anything before the gcse is very considerate but I would not contest the divorce,if a person wants to go you cannot hold him,it might not be now but he will eventually go.It cannot be very pleasant for the children if the atmosphere is oppressive.Try end the marriage as amicably as you can,which in most cases very difficult.Time is a great healer,it is going to be difficult but you will get through it otherwise it is only postponing the inevitable.The children should be the main concern.
good luck