my experience with solicitors

Before I start, let me immediately apologise to Attiladahun, Mike and all the other experts here who give their time for free and help in any way they can.

Some of you know me from the chat room. My story so far : after a year and a half of 'amicable' negotiations between sols, we are now heading for the first appointment.
This has cost me 15k to date and I assume stbx has paid the same.
A complete and utter waste of money.

18 months ago I knew nothing of family law, solicitors or the court system. I am now less ignorant - if not wiser - and would like to share with you what I know now

I have learnt that :

- solicitors are there to defend your case. This means that they get paid to look at every angle and bring up things that you yourself had not thought of.
There you are, emotionally not yourself and someone is persuading you " and then we could go down the pension route ", " and we shall make enquiries if there are any offshore accounts ". And you think, well, the wo/man knows what s/he is talking about, so let's do it.
Wrong.
All this looking for needles in a haystack is usually fruitless, costs you money and turns what is already an unhappy situation between you and your stbx into an adversarial one.

- although they may reassure and pep you up, solicitors know NOTHING about a court outcome.
True, they usually give you an indication of what may happen and what you might be awarded. Does that help you if e.g. s/he says that you may be awarded between 40% and 60% of the former matrimonial home, where 40% means existence minimum and 60% that you may indulge in a take away once a week ?

There is no certainty and the ONLY person who knows when a case goes to court is the judge.

So don't make the mistake I made in thinking that if I am represented by a solicitor, my outcome will be more favourable.

- if I had my time again, I would have represented myself from the beginning.
True, there are a few things to consider here : you have to have the time and the inclination to tackle this on your own.
Yes, it does seem daunting and yes, you do have to familiarise yourself with new words and procedure BUT if you have the possibility of going to/contacting your court for the necessary papers and questions about what to do next, you will find that they are very helpful to a bewildered newbie.
I certainly cannot praise my local court enough.
And guess what ? The information and the forms are free.

You can always consult a solicitor on an ad hoc basis, hire a professional Mackenzie friend or a barrister when it comes to arguing your case in court if you don't feel too good about speaking out for yourself.
Save your hard earned money for those occasions, but don't spend it like I did on fruitless letter writing and paper pushing.
Most of us are more than capable of doing that on our own.

- there is a vast gap between what the law says and how it is applied. I know this from reading six months worth of posts on here and from talking to actual people going through the process.

* you swear your form E and find out that the other party have hidden/omitted
something. Is there a price to pay for them ? Noooo, merely a wrap on the
knuckles from the judge " you are a bad girl/boy, don't do it again "

* the other party in your divorce process ( usually the respondent ) decides to do
absolutely nothing or a strict minimum or files and serves everything weeks or
months late. Is there a penalty ? Can they be forced to comply ? Not that I have
ever heard of.
Indeed, I know of a case where the respondent did not bother to turn up for
the two first hearings and NOTHING happened except a meek notice that the
person should, and I quote " be encouraged to engage in the process " !!

Solicitors do have their place and, to be fair to them, the law is such that they cannot guarantee what will happen in your particular case.

A final word from someone who has been there and is living it : if at all possible, DO TRY AND RESOLVE THINGS YOURSELVES BY TALKING, TALKING, TALKING.
You may not like your stbx, you may even hate their guts, but keep talking. If you can arrange things amongst yourselves, you - and not the solicitors - will be the winners.
I know this as stbx has not spoken a word with me for the past six months. We still live in the same house.

Goodness, I was long winded, but it needed to be said.

Take care Red XX

Hi Red,

Thanks for your post. It just keeps confirming everything i have read and everything that i have experienced myself over the past year and a half.

The advice i have been given over this time by solicitors has changed time and again even though not thing about my case has changed!! It is only now as we approach first hearing am i told by my solictitor that they can not advise what the outcome will be, even after numerous occassions of being told that the stbx will get nothing and that i dont need to offer her anything!!!

If they had been up front from the beginning and said that they could not advise either way i would have saved myself over £4k of time wasting letters and phones calls.

I am serioulsy considering representing myself because everything that has happen in the last 4 months has happened because of the time and effort my new partner has taken to read up on sites like this, and from the knowledge she has gained we have basically dealt with the case and just told the solicitor what we have wanted them to do.

Jamstac

Yes, it needed to be said.

I have dabbled with a solicitor but am now realising that they are of very limited use. I am also beginning to think that one speaks to a solicitor at the start of something like this, usually a difficult and emotionally weak time. I spoke to several and i noticed that they differ widely in their "expectation" of the possible outcome. So the obvious temptation is to engage one who says what we want to hear, or the nearest to it. Its a little like engaging an estate agent, one engages the agent who gives the highgest estimate of sale price whereas of course the market (or the judge in legal matters) will decide and dictate anyway.

We are all I guess somewhat overawed because the law seems overwhelmingly complex. So we are drawn to what appears to be the safety of an experienced and trained person and it is certainly true that there are parts that they should do. But the more knowledge we have ourselves the better, if only to challenge them and be more able to demand a good performance for the considerable amount of money they cost.

Hi Red!

Good and succint post! Thank you for taking the time to put it on.

Children and money.

The above are I think what a divorce boils down to. Who did what when is minor and yet it is at the forefront of our minds at the start.

Fighting over contact in the courts is a waste of time and money. If it weren't Fathers 4 Justice would never had come into being. Parents need to agree themselves, between themselves - my view is that Court Orders re children are worthless.

Money. If there isn't enough to go round a solicitor isn't going to help matters.

Mental strength is important too as is the ability to prioritise one's expenditure of resources. Form E seems a formidable hurdle and yet ultimately I found it the most useful part of the divorce process and the matter I definitely needed legal help with. After that it was pure procedure (except for the animosity bit).

Solicitors have a role to play most definitely but I would say it better they be used to help and not run one's divorce.

Attiladahun and WSCowell are stars, Nicholas Mostyn QC move over, these are better men than you!