Draft Order Prepared After First Hearing

Hi there,

I would be most grateful for some guidance. I have taken my ex-husband (respondent) to court following now two reductions in maintenance which he unilaterally made. The Final Order drafted in May 2019 was very weak and no provisions made for my future; he stopped working at the start of divorce proceedings and at the end and did not contribute a penny. He is a high earner (top 1%) - he is the one with the financial control and power after I left a lucrative career to look after the family and home. I now earn one third of what I did when I left work in 2002.

During divorce proceedings, he lied, avoided, evaded and concealed - he lied about cohabiting with his mistress 20+ years his junior which he has since married. He did not disclose bonuses and lied about having to borrow from family/friends despite the massive black holes in our finances and the misappropriation of family funds, c.£300k. All without contributing a penny in maintenance and walking out of the FMH and leaving me with all the liabilities, yet he managed to continue having 5 star holidays with his mistress. He stopped paying school fees too. We narrowly avoided repossession because I was able to borrow from my family and friends, but also had the boarding school insist on a charge on the home.

We had the first hearing on Monday; he was represented by a non-direct access barrister but documented no solicitors on his paperwork as his now wife, (former mistress), is a solicitor albeit not in the same area of law but clearly, his paperwork is being prepared. I cannot afford legal representation so was litigant in person and ridiculed by the judge and told to get legal assistance.......! I have dipped into pension pots to address the monthly shortfalls and because I borrowed a very large deposit to buy a house for me and my children. My salary would not even justify rental of a 4-bedroom home let alone buying one. I am in catch 22 situation; I am at a huge disadvantage as I cannot afford solicitors (albeit the outcome I had with the weak order guarantees nothing, having spent £80k on legal fees previously) so I am at a huge disadvantage as he has free advice and preparation of documents on tap from solicitors (whilst belittling me for not having the luxury) - I cannot afford to pay for solicitors/barristers. If I dip into pensions further (which is crazy, I am 58 next week), it will be argued that if I can afford legal fees then I do not need increased maintenance.

His barrister sent me the draft following judge's directions but again at a huge disadvantage as I cannot recall everything and audio at the court's side was very poor. It transpires from the judge's directions (on the following which I do recall), were that it is not recommended that I go after 50% of everything that was misappropriated and fraud, nor persist with the conduct issue which is beyond incredulous. However, any guidance on questions below would be great:

1) I have already provided 1 valuation on the home but he wants another 3 - he'll present me with 5 names and I choose 3. This is a question of maintenance and after the deposit, mortgage and ERCs etc. there is a shortfall on my 'assets'. A Declaration of Trust was drawn up in May 2021 which I provided him with but he is not satisfied. Valuations are worthless as it is about what ultimately someone is prepared to pay. Comments please.
2) If 'we' which in essence means 'him', cannot agree a valuation, he will instruct a chartered surveyor. This is dispproportionate as there is no real equity. Can I refuse and I certainly would not contribute?
3) I have concealed my address on all information provided but of course, not on the court's copies due to previous violence which I documented on my chronology. The judge did ask during the hearing why and because I was not sure whether I would find any paperwork with suggestions of this, she said that I would have to do better as he and his mistress taking walks outside my home, 10+ miles away from his was not an excuse. On one occasion, when he attacked me causing me injuries, the two youngest children were present (7 and 10 at the time) present and the violence was also witnessed by another hotel guest who squared up to him and called hotel security. He is now denying any violence ever, but I have found an email I sent to a solicitor prior to divorce proceedings, raising concerns about my safety given his record which I wanted documented. Can I refer to this? Ten years on the children have never forgotten and they have always volunteered doing anything to help me - since his relationship with his mistress, he has never put them first and behaves appallingly.
4) Given his history of lying to the courts and hiding assets, can I ask for a property search under his now current's wife name? His basic is c. £200k (without bonuses) and I estimate hers to be c.£60k so do not believe that they have not bought any property anywhere? There are no debts albeit he again, has reported to owe his poor pensioner mother £10k whilst still enjoying the high life! I have asked to see evidence of the credit from his mother and nature of the loan. Whilst I know it's a soft loan, he amazingly previously, had all his soft 'loans' paid from the equity in the home! His barrister is asking me to drop the word 'evidence'.
5) I have also requested a list and costs with evidence of all their holidays - his barrister is asking me to drop the word 'evidence'
6) Also, I have to send my ex-husband by Monday, a statement on what I am pursuing from the orders in my position statement and whether I am planning to make an application to conceal my address. I thought that the issue of the address would be discussed at the FDR but he refers to me making an application. Do I need to apply to the court for this and if so, what form is it and can it be downloaded?

The children are now 23 (just finished uni and at home with me applying for graduate jobs); 20 (at uni) and 17 in first year A levels - reasons for reductions are now totally different to when he started paying maintenance as he will always change the narrative to suit his position at the time. They never stay with the father and in fact, he can go longer than 5 months without seeing them; he and his partner decided to move to the area their new schools/colleges were located at and an area I was at every day re school runs etc. Neither had any ties to the area.

I contacted a solicitor to write to him with an offer (which I can ill-afford) sent yesterday. I am not expecting him to accept but highlighted that as his fees would be in excess of £10k as mine would be too which I would aim to recover from him and perhaps seek a Legal Services Payment Order and backdated lump sums for reductions, he may want to accept. I am assuming that I would not need to pay his fees if the application for an increase went against me - it should not but given the little protection the courts provides the victims of abuse, I would not be surprised. Any thoughts?

Any input would be most welcomed.

Thanks enormously.