Where to start

I've been married for 18 months but since last July my husband has been living at his parents house. I found out he had an affair with a girl from work and that it started even before the wedding. It has since ended (so he says).

He said it ended initially before the wedding as he realised his wrongdoing and that he wanted me. However, at the start of last year we had a discussion about starting a family (3 months post wedding) and I had to be honest and say I just wasn't quite ready and wanted a little more time together. This sent him into a downward spiral and back into HER arms.

To this day, every discussion we have ends in him stating that 'you should have been ready to have a baby, that's what happens after marriage'. He cannot see otherwise. I have always wanted a family with him, but just wanted a little more time. He thinks all of this is down to me saying 'no, not yet' last year.

How can I even make him see that it's not my fault? Shouldn't your spouse support you until you are ready? He says I should have been in the same place as him. I did state to him that I didn't want to have a baby until I was married, but I didn't give a date so maybe that's where I went wrong?

Anyway, he can't seem to get past this and so I don't see how we can ever move forward. I'd just love some other opinions.

If I am willing to try and work hard to get past the affair, shouldn't he be willing to try and get past the baby discussion? I never said never, just not quite yet!!!

It sounds to me that you are right to be getting out of it.
He thought that much of you to have an affair, then when married to you expected you to have his child immediately, and as you didn’t went back to his affair.
He sounds like a right pig!
You are well rid.
Go and find a decent bloke instead xx

Not sure how long you were together before you got married but wanting more time together after marriage before starting a family sounds reasonable to me.

In my view, not wanting to start a family very soon after marriage is not an excuse for your partner to have an affair (there are no excuses really). I don't think you should feel guilty about that or take any blame whatsoever.

The big issue is whether you are able to accept the affair or not. If you are willing to forgive he also needs to really want to make the marriage work, which means not having affairs and hiding in his mum's house during difficult times.

Personally, I would never forgive if my partner had an affair, game over.

The problem is, he seems to think I’m as much at fault as he is. Yes there are things I could have probably done differently in our relationship but I never betrayed our vows or lied. I believe marriage is for life but I can’t fix it single handedly

It would take a lot to forgive the affair. He’d have to be completely open about everything but I don’t even think he’s ready to do that, so he probably hasn’t let go of this other woman.

Why can’t they see what they are losing and how much pain they are causing