Splitting up

Hi, I've posted here before and had some good advice, but tonight I have had my worst fears confirmed and have decided things need to end (relationship not life). My worry is I've never split up a relationship before (I'm 44 :/) but I can't take any more of her lies and deceit while she's pretending there's nothing wrong, but using me as a financial crutch and to feel safe. The relationship has broken down and I feel there is no return.

I suppose the main question is, how do you go about ending a relationship (kids involved) but want to remain amicable (weirdly)

Thank you

Hi Andy
I thought I would try to help you as yo have no replies and I have some experience.
Splitting up is never easy, I am sure each person may have doubts about their actions.
If, you are sure you have done everything possible to try to sort things out.
If you have tried having discussions with your partner without shouting or falling out, if there s no resolve, then it may be your only action.
When kids are involved, it is hard. You really have to face reality. If you work and she doesn't, it is unlikely you will have the kids majority of the time.
It will be hard to get to a new place but always remember this, you are not losing your kids, you will end up with a renewed relationship with them with more quality time actually.
Not everyones situation is similar as regards what you can and can't afford to do, but there is always an answer.
Most often people say, don't move out, but to be honest it doesn't always make much difference in the long run to any financial settlement in my experience.
If you want to start a new life you can and parents of children, will always be parents whatever happens, you are not losing them.
Things can move fast at this stage so you may have resolved by now, but whatever happens I wish you all the best.

Thank you for your kind words, my fears subsided a couple of months ago when she said her feelings were more related to her friend as a mother figure, but they aren't. I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with her drinking habits and without being crude it's been months without horizontal action. My finances are now much much better, but it's like she can sniff money and will spend money even when we don't need to and seems to know when I've got some spare after she's spent hers. The split up option is looking likely soon.

Hi Andy
I have read some interesting articles about 'people' but more especially women, but please don't think i am being judgmental or sexist.
women are able to switch off sex for instance, when a woman loves you she will be very passionate, when she doesn't she won't, its not the same for men. Someone once said to me, women need to be in love to make love, men need to make love to be in love and I think its true to some extent.
With regard to money, don't know all the details and if she works etc but she will want her own money. You could try for instance having a joint account where there is a finite amount of money, when its gone each month, it's gone. You then each have your own accounts, not sure how you work things. It is important for a woman to have her own money, so cutting her off wouldn't go down well whilst your together.
Best you can do, if you feel you have come to the brick wall is make your plans.
To coin another phrase, damage limitation.