his family

hi all
one of the reasons why I am having a divorce is because my x2b is too close to his family. His family dont welcome me to any of thier functions birthdays weddings etc and I used to call them every week cook huge meals for them until I found out they always want to know what we were upto so that they could spoil our plan for any holidays etc. x2b was always sincere to them and if they told him not to tell me anything he wouldnt, he would tell them if there was anything personal I did not want them to know.
I sometimes feel I am the bad one separating him from his family but I have noone here and I treated his family like my own I have reached a stage where I hate them for being so evil and cunning. any similar situations anyone?

I'm not in similar situation; however, I recognise that there are cultural situations whereby the bride is expected to marry into the Grooms family; and this can have unwelcome consequences and feel overwhelming.

Sometimes the man sees his new bride as an 'addition' to HIS family; rather than the two of you creating your own unit; and your own family.

You've found yourself married to the Clan! And you're not happy. If this cannot be resolved with your husband agreeing BOUNDARIES; and recognising time together; honouring holidays etc then you will have to make a decision as to whether you wish to go forward with your marriage.

I know in some cultures; the families can dominate everything, and interfere with everything; and it becomes a case of put-up-and-shut-up, or leave.

Other than that: if you're otherwise happy with your relationship, then maybe explain that if he's spending all day Sunday with them, you're going to Cineworld instead because you find them overwhelming.

You'll just have to work on compromise.

yeah I treated his family like my own as I had noone here. But obviously I was always the "outsider" I did more for his family than I have done for my own. Its a shame that they dont appreciate in the end its my kids who suffer:(

Hi Ssoria,
I had been thinking for years that his family (his mother in particular) will cause our marriage to break up. It was not the only reason but it certainly contributed to it.
My ex is still his mother's little boy and never really separated from her. From the day we married we constantly had to go to visit her (he initiated it) and I always felt that he is just showing us (me and the children) off and craving for her aproval. He was never settled with us and I felt our home was never his home, his home was with his parents. She interfered in the way we brought up our sons, she always had negative comments about me and about our children and he never said anything to her, although he knew how she upsets me. At the end I had had enough and made a decision not to go to see them (the father in law is nice and I alwasy liked him and got on with him). My ex was very upset but again he felt that I just should put up with it. The most hurtful thing for me was, that she was his first woman, not me. Even now, when I am divorcing him (on the grounds of adultery), when we discuss issues about our children' education etc, he still brings her up and says even Grandma thinks....
I often felt like he and his mother are ganging up on me. They made me feel so worthless and hopeless.
His mother is quite supportive of me and our children especially now when her son ran off with somebody else, but I cannot forget what she has done in past.
Petrof

Ssoria,

I also came from another country and have no family here. I feel that it made it easier for them to try to inforce their rules on me. They never accepted me for who I am. I am aware that I had to change so much in order to survive with them. Now, at last, I have a chance to be who I am and to learn again who I am.
Petrof