I am so angry!

My husband was arrested last friday and the police ring to tell me this morning. He was arrested because of thefts from my own bank account on a number of occassions - all without my permission. He has denied it of course. The police used my statement for my non-molestation and occupation order to question him (as it was very detailed) and he denied all the violence! Even claiming that one black eye I had to go to the hospital with (his ring had scratched my pupil) was an accident.
Why do I love someone that everytime they open their mouth a lie comes out? Why am I finding it so hard to get over a xxxxxxx like him? Why can't he take some responsibility for his actions?
I knew that he'd deny the thefts again, like last time he was arrested, but fool as I am i dropped the charges last time and didn't report the new thefts at the time.
I had stopped having faith in the police. Near the beginning of our marriage (2 months married) his father had to wrestle him to the floor coz he was coming at me with a knife) Did the police arrest him, no! They escorted him off the premises.
I'm so angry with me for not reporting every physical abuse, for not reporting the thefts when i discovered them, for being afraid of HIM.
He has left me financially ruined.
well at least I can become stronger but he'll always be a wanker!
I just need to stop loving him now. I wish it was easier. I'm a mess.

Oh Smurfy, dont be angry with yourself. What is the old cliche, love is blind.
We all just live in hope that things will get better, always ready to give a second, third, fourth, whatever chance. Do not blame yourself.
Dont look back at what you could have done, look forward and imagine what you can now do. Dont let him take away your future, your hopes and dreams, do not give him that pleasure. He is a nasty evil individual and you are far better off without him. You only still have the feelings of love because you remember the good times. Just jog your memory about the bad times when you feel that you might still care and love him.
That bloody rollercoaster ride!!!!! so hard to get off and get your feet back on solid ground.
You take care Smurfy.
Zara
(((((((((Smurfy))))))))))

I know it isn't easy but you really need to cut him out of your life. There will be pain no matter what happens, but he wont change. Get the pain over with and ditch him.

Its very hard to stop loving someone even when we know it is wrong. I still love my husband very much but he messes me about all the time and plays with my head and im so stupid, I let him.

Concentrate on yourself for now and in time hopefully the pain will lessen, there are no rules in this.....its a very hard waiting game and I am fed up with it all now and am seriously considering moving away, changing my phone number maybe even my name. Its true when they say leopards dont change their spots, forget him.

Take care

Saffy xxx

smurfy....

i didnt know much about your situ and im so sorry hun !! having just read your post...

its time for you now, time to stop being afraid and time to get away from him..

remember one thing ok

you are worth so much more than him..
he doesnt deserve you..

ok so thats 2 things..

see you in chat soon..

take care
daisy
xx

Why do I love someone that everytime they open their mouth a lie comes out? Why am I finding it so hard to get over a xxxxxxx like him? Why can't he take some responsibility for his actions?

I feel for you. This is exactly how by soon to be ex husband acts. He's a mental case. He dreams up all sorts of lies & stories to everyone, including me. And when I approach him with an answer to his lies he retreats and blames me, saying I have a 'personality disorder' or makes excuses towards me being the 'bad guy'. I think he even 'lived' in a lie when we were married.
I came from the states and moved my entire life over here to the UK for him. I left my son's and my 1st grandbaby to be his wife. I was so happy with him. Now I finally see it was all a bunch of bs. Can you imagine how I feel? That he would have that much nerve and guts to drag to another country based on lies??? Because he has no concious thats why.
Time is the only thing that will heal your heart. Who knows why we fall for these type of men. I blame it on my inadequacies in regards to judging people.
I am no longer with my husband but he still attempts to call, email, and tries to come over like nothing happened. I also have a injunction for both, molestation & occupation against him
The posters are right I'm afraid. We can't change them and they won't change for the better.
We need to help ourselves and it WILL get better:)

Hmmmmmm.....read this one with great interest.

Smurfy, if hes committed physical abuse numerous times in the past, its a VERY safe bet he will do it again, and if the abuse is verbal or mental or if he has anger issues, if he cant or wont admit he has a problem and seek the help he desperatley needs, then this is going to carry on to and, unfortunatly effect ANY future relaitionship he has with ANYONE, not just a partner.
The other posters are absolutley correct in saying the feelings of love you have for him are based on you remembering the good times in your lower moments. Hun, those days are dead and gone, along with the man you used to love. He's relying on those memories and good times so you'll take him back, again, again and again and the cycle continues.
I know of what i talk as i used to abuse my wife........ Mentaly and verbaly, and because i did'nt realise i had a problem, eventually her love for me just died and so here i am! It was only then i realised that not only was my wife afraid of me, but it was affecting EVERY relaitionship in my day to day life........no-one likes a control freak.
I think, what im trying to say is, if he wont get the help he needs, he is'nt worth the time of day, and even if he does.......do you really want to be treading on eggshells for the rest of your life?

Saying that, lepoards can and do change their spots..........But its taken me 10 weeks of therapy and anger managment to do it, and i sought the help myself after she explained to me exactly how she felt and wanted out of the marriage.

Thats enuff of my home spun B/S, but the other guys are right hun, these feelings will eventually fade and like my wife, you'll be able to find a brighter happier future without him.

All the best
Matt x