What a difference 24 hours makes

Hi all

Had a really good day yesterday with my kids and was feeling very positive - today I rang the bank to see if any transactions had gone through as stbx had been threatening that he had contacted a solicitor to divorce me on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Well it looks like he has done something - a transaction has gone through today - I am reeling and have just had my first glass of wine.

Cannot type through the tears - I really thought he was bluffing.

What grounds could he divorce me on - he has said unreasonable behaviour over the phone but he has had an affair and has admitted it. Could I contest it as I don't think I have been unreasonable. How quickly will I have to respond to letter when I receive it? I feel sick to my stomach now.

Linda

Linda,
Take control of your situation and see if a petition has been applied for in your local court - If not, instruct a solicitor and get one in yourself quickly. Just because he has paid a solicitor money does not mean the petition has been issued. Some solicitors would ask for an up-front payment before commencing any work. It may be for advice so far. Until the envelope drops on the mat, you don't know

Contesting the divorce is pretty pointless if he has actually got a petition in to the court. Yes ,you can do it, but what is the point? If he has petitioned, he considers the marriage to be over. Unless both parties wish to be in the partnership of marriage, then there is no partnership.

Unreasonable behavious is very subjective and can be virtually anything from bad breath though nagging and leaving the toilet seat up. It does not have to be extreme and just needs to demonstrate to a judge that one person cannot be reasonably expected to continue to be married to another and that the marriage has broken down irretrievably.

If you haven't already consulted a solicitor, do it now. Today. Maybe see if you can find one that will do a free half hour consultation. Some firms offer this over the phone - like National Family Law Parntership on the front page of Wikivorce.

I can imagine you are in pieces, but if you feel that he has started proceedings, there are certain things you need to do.

Once you receive a petition you need to respond within 8 days.

Use the time you have now to understand your legal position Linda.

It is horrible, those feelings of rejection, hurt, injustice and anger. But you need to look after you and the children's best interests right now.

Sorry to appear a little cold and practical, but you do need to focus on yourself a little for now. Big hug for you too!

Take care and keep posting

Mike

Linda,
I went to my closest county court myself got the petition myself and decided to divorce him ASAP on grounds of adultery. That makes me feel in control and I think it is much better than to wait for 2 years separation as he would like to (well, I think that is what he wants, I did not speak to him about it yet, but I guess it is not very nice to have a piece of court paper confirming to you that you are an adulterer).
It is not difficult to fill in the form (3 copies of each, the actual petition and arrangements about the children). They also give you a very helpful quide how to fill in the form and if you ring them, they are very helpful. So if he did not file for divorce yet, you can still do it on grounds of adultery.
However, if your ex is still abroad, I am not sure how the court would serve it to him. Go on the internet, find the closest county court and ring them and ask them about it.
Best of luck.

Petrof.

Hi there

For service abroad you need to tell the county court to not serve any papers but to send all issued documents to you.

You then need to send them to the Foreign Process Department of the Principal Registry for service. See here:

www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/cms/9820.htm

Amanda

How long has he been abroad as there is a 6 month rule re unreasonable behaviour, I believe it has to have taken place in the last 6 months so he may not have ground for that. I also think that if your unreasonable behaviour is a reaction to his adultery then a Judge may not grant it either. Worth reading up on. You have more of a chance of divorcing him on his adultery.

It may not be as bad a it seems Linda, aren't they sods when they are the ones who are clearly in the wrong.

Like Mike says deal with this practically, keep a clear head. Have another glass of wine, feel sorry for yourself tonight but get on with it tomorrow.

Big hug and glad to hear you had a god day with the boys at weekend. He didn't did he.

Whatnow

Hi

Thank you to you all for your advice. Unfortunately I lost it big time yesterday - didn't stop at one glass of wine and scared my children witless by going missing. Feel like rubbish today - I have my parents staying with me for a few days now and have booked to see a solicitor tomorrow.

Don't ever want to do that to my children again and must never drink whilst on anti-depressants.

Thank you


Linda