Boyfriend staying overnight

I have my view that as I have number of nights that I don''t have my children that there is no need for my new partner of 18 months to stay over whilst I have the children. My new partner friends, married with children, single etc say that after this time he should be able to stay! It''s now becoming an issue for my partner as he wants us all 4 of us to go on holiday with his family and share a bed, something Im not ready to do because of the sleeping arrangements with my children being with me. My partner has been very understanding and supportive I don''t think I could of survived the past 6 months without him despite the strain it has put on our relationship going through my divorce but I think it''s now come to a point that he is doing more with his friends outside of the relationship which is causing us issues!

Is it wrong that I''m putting my children first, I don''t think so?

Is it normal to keep sleeping arrangements like this if no need?

What''s the way around this?

Trust your intincts and go with what you feel comfortable with. Your partner should respect this. By all means - discuss it - tell him your fears but I would agree - children first.

I think its admirable that you are putting your children first, if only more parents did the same!!

However, 18 months is a long time and i think you may need to ask yourself where you see the relationship going. I dont think it is unreasonable for your partner to be suggesting family holidays at this point. I assume he has met and interacted with your children? What are the sleeping arrangements with your children? Do they share a bed with you? How old are they?

I would assume that your partners friends havent shared the kind of experiences you have and so wouldnt understand where you are coming from. I think you need to have an honest and open chat with him about whats going on with your head and your heart. Putting your children first isnt wrong, but there are times when you need to put yourself and your relationship first too and find a healthy balance.

To be perfectly honest, no its not wrong that you put your children first. If only every parent were that admirable.

I think your partner has been supportive and patient.

I do think after 18 months you both would be ready to be public about your relationship to your children.

Its not about putting one relationship above another - as the relationship as a parent is totally different to that of a lover. Of course your kids feelings come first, however, is it that you don''t think they are ready to see you have moved on?

If you are not ready now, how long do you think you will need, you should explain this to your bf. It must be hard for him being in limbo, he obviously wants you to move to the next stage and may feel you are not ready to.

Is this going to be a deal breaker?

I have been surprised by the response to be honest from all.

My children are 9 and 12. They have met and very much like my new partner. I''ve taken it slowly and carefully as my ex dropped them in the deep end and the response was heart breaking for them and me. It is only recent that they know he stays it the unspoken word. My friends and family say I''m doing right by not having him stay overnight when I have the children but he feels we can''t progress our relationship, go on holidays together or even the party/BBQ.

I think it''s has come to a point that if I don''t move my relationship forward I chance losing Him. He''s started going out with his friends more as when I have the children he''s at loose end. I think these next few days will tell.

Thank you for your comments.

For aprox 2 years I didn''t stay (or him at mine) at his home when my husband had contact with his children. However we did holiday together with the children. Maybe you could consider a similar compromise.