Non Contact

Hello friends,

I keep seeing references to the non contact rule. I am struggling with my separation and having minimal contact with the woman I felt destined to grow old with. What is the non contact rule, how should I adopt it and how is it beneficial?

No contact is usually used in cases where we are separated. But it can be any situations. Where you would ring her at lunchtimes, dont. Where you would ring when you get to work, you dont. If you are away, you would ring her. Dont. No contact means no contact at all. No emails, no text messages. Nothing. Zero contact of any kind. That includes acknowledgement. If you see her in the house or the street, she is not there. Invisible. Cut dead.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder so they say. This is not true. Absence makes the heart grow colder. If you want someone out of your life, have no contact with them. C.

What I have found with the no contact rule is that it has helped me deal with the separation better, as every time my stbx emailed me or texted me, I would go back into the pit of dispair, so I told him not to get in touch with me at all unless it was through the solicitor, so for the last couple of weeks I have felt a bit stronger, so maybe you could try that for a few weeks just until you get into a better frame of mind.

I am myself trying to completely distance myself from my STBX. Contact with her kept to an Absolute minimum. Though she seems to keep contacting me, knowing I want nothing to do with her.

The only reason I contact her at all is to arrange my contact days with my son. And when she drops him at mine I say as little as humanly possible to her.

It does make things easier for me. I am getting stronger every day. The same goes for her freinds, her family and anyone that knows her. They no longer exist in my world. They did me wrong, so they are gone.

The other side to this is ignorance. I have been trying to contact my ex with regard to our children, adult children. Daughter getting married, need to sort things with him, need to agree things with him, but he is in this no contact mode. 26 years of marriage, 3 children, a mortgage, and all I am getting is no contact, don''t know where is lives, I know he''s with someone else, and that''s all.

I think I agree. There needs to be some common sense. Good luck with the daughters marriage plans. Tell her to make it last!