Help me.....Why do I feel this way?

My husband told me on holiday 4 weeks ago that he was having an affair and we have seperated. The last few weeks have been absolute hell. I know that we had problems and that we were both unhappy but I thought we would work them out....even though he has treated me horribly for years, he is an acloholic and has cheated before I now know.

He has started to see a counsellor and last week told me in all honesty that he has never been in love with me, he loves me, but no spark! Hence the new love of his life.

I have brought his children up (their mother abandoned them) and put up with his aggressive nature, drinking, etc. I gave up having my own babies, had a nervous breakdown trying to cope with 4 children, house, full time job and university.....plus him!

I do not know why I feel such despair and loss....I love him with all my heart even now...WHY???? What is wrong with me and how do I stop?

Oh my, what a mess and what a story. You must feel awful, fancy saying such a thing to you.
You have come to the right place to find help and support, everyone here has been through bad times, feeling so down.
All I can say at the moment is wait until your post is picked up by other members and you will see how supportive they can be. It is a very confusing hurtful time, and you will think lots of things, over and over. A roller coaster ride is the only way to explain it!!!
Is he still in the property with you?
Please stay on line I am sure that there will be many more wiki members replying to you soon.
Try to be calm, hard to say I know, but do try.
keeping posting, it does not matter what it is or how stupid you might feel, it is ok.
Zara

Thanks.

I just posted this on the property bit.

"Last week I resorted to changing the locks as I was working away and I was afraid he was going to come and take everything that he thinks is his...including our financial documents. I was also trying to give myself some protection from his foul temper / love you miss you talk when he wants to come and use the facilities.

Even though we are going through hell (his choice) he says it is still his home and I have no right to lock him out. I have now agreed to give him a key to the new lock as he is so upset.

Do I have any control over when he comes? Can he just move back in - which is what he is talking about?"

I am in such a mess....I go from being incredibly angry to so devestated to I don't care.

Hi,

You are not alone by feeling like this. I myself found out husband having an affair before xmas, i had him back twice, why I dont know, like you i guess because they have an affair and treat us horribly because we married for the right reasons (because we love them) it is difficult to stop even though we know in our heads that we have lost them but we have a heart v. head thing going on. I am unsure as to whether to divorce my husband and he has done some terrible things to me (not all through marriage) but since affair begun maybe 2 years ago but Im not exactly sure. However I know he cannot possible truly love me but because i have children and i love him i feel like you do. I guess I must be getting to the end of the rollercoaster ride I feel i have been on it for a long time. I know in my heart that maybe i dont know him really, that he is not the man i married (he would never have done this)

Do you think maybe it is a maternal instinct which makes us feel protective of our husbands even after they have treated us so badly. We cant all just be plain stupid can we? maybe we are just hurt lost souls at the end of the day and hopefully we will eventually see a light at the end of this long dark tunnel of betrayal.

I wish you all the best

JJ