Quite a revelation

I read something that Mumtoboys wrote in someone''s blog today and it was quite a revelation to me, as I had never thought of it like that. She pointed out that whilst we are expressing/venting our pain and upset to our ex, over the ow, we are of course massaging his ego. What a man to have a mistress and a desperate wife, both wanting to have him in their life. Oh how extra exciting it must be as he''s with the ow, knowing that he could walk back into his wife''s life and she''d forgive him.

And it extends beyond the early day phone calls I made just to hear his voice. The silent treatment that I have long been subjected to, even when there are really important business matters that require his attention, is all part of the control and I am obliged to run after him to get his agreement to this and that, because I won''t ignore the tax office and incur unnecessary fines etc. etc. And as things inevitably move onwards, I don''t have to contact him much anymore, and that is a possible explanation why he is using the same tactic on others. Whilst they continue to chase after him, he feels important.

I feel quite liberated by learning this, thanks MTB''s.

That is so like my stbx. They must have very sad lives to behave like this
Unfortunately, until FMH is sold I still have to have contact with him but after that there will be no contact ever and I can''t wait

If you think about it (you dont need to think very hard) then maybe it will come to you that these people are minor and have no real standing anywhere. They are liers and cheats. And they skulk around doing things behind someone''s back. No real backbone. And suddenly they are important. They are wanted by more then one person. Do they deserve this? No. What they actually deserve is contempt.

The best way to deal with them is give them total and Absolute sh1t. Over everything. Drop everything in there laps. There ya go mister. Deal with that or I will dob you into the tax man or what ever.

So when yr done with them, cut them dead. No contact. Cos they dont deserve any. Let them go on with there seedy lives knowing what they had and what they fecked up. C.

Hi Marshy, didn''t see your reply to this. You are quite right, it is rather shaming that it has taken me such a long time to realise that this is what is going on. It takes a surprising amount of time for someone''s lies and selfishness to begin to hurt them, but I can just see it beginning, and I am at the stage in my own journey where I will not be there to pick up the pieces. But it is incredible how someone with a a previous AAA credit rating can get their hands on so much money even though there is clearly an immediate halt on their income - I am talking tens of thousands - shocking.

Hope you are well and happy, I know you are offering lots of support to others on here. Best wishes.