totally lost

thanks for the support guys, this site helps me more than i can put into words.

3 weeks since ive seen or spoke to her now. i really want to but havent from the crazy side of me. I do need to however from the practical side of things, i figured i would wait until the end of the month before i did, i dont know why, whether its because im hoping time will have helped things.

i know she has booked to go to an event later in the year and has booked 2 tickets (costing about £90). it seems out of character to the type of thing i think she would normally do. it would seem suspiciously like a date type thing - unless its not even for her and she has just booked it for someone else. it is quite a way from where we live at present and no real public transport way of getting there (she doesnt drive). its not a large event, so i dont even know how she would know about it (the event not being in our neck of the woods) unless someone she knows from that way has said about it. maybe she has met someone from over that way, if so, the whole "i want to be on my own" story doesnt wash. this could be the evidence of the person she has left me for if thats the case. i know i dont know who the tickets are for but the paranoid part of me thinks new person, new relationship (whether or not this person was on the scene before she left me i dont/wont ever know i assume). i feel so down about it, how can she move on so quick? i want to challenge her about it all. i know it will achieve nothing other than push her away and potentially screw up getting a financial agreement so wont be doing, but all this is so upsetting.

donkler - if you could post the pdf of that book that would be really good. cheers. honestly, i dont know what she currently thinks marriage should be, but it could be this exactly. i know her friends tried to reason with her at the start when she told them she had left me, about how love and relationships change over time and that she wasnt going to feel exactly the same as she had done at the start of the relationship but she was closed to the possibility that she was just in a bad patch and that it could be made to work. i think this, like others have said, is really because she had someone else lined up all along. as per usual time will tell. i have confided that i know about the event thing to a mate from work and theyve said i dont know who shes going with, if it is her whos going, so i shouldnt jump to conclusions, but i dont know what other explanation there could be. she hasnt been in touch with me as much as i havent been in touch with her, so is she feeling anything like me (back to whether this is brinkmanship) aaargh stupid brain stop thinking and let me get some sleep!!!

ps FB is the only link i really have to my (albeit small) circle of friends so quitting it is not an option.

also she has not realised she has been daft - i dont think she thinks she is being, in her eyes the grass is definitely greener. as far as i know she hasnt been anywhere near the house and i''d be astonished if she came to seduce me - shes so hot she knows she could get it elsewhere at the drop of a hat - as she used to tell me about blokes who would crack onto her when she was on nights out. this has happened for years but i think she finally has the self belief that she could. i believe i had a major par in building that confidence, i was forever telling her how great she was ("your so smart, funny sexy, you could have anyone, im soooo lucky to have you") which i feel like i have shot myself by putting her up on that pedestal for so long, like i wasnt worthy - i know i have self confidence issues. im booked in with a counsellor next week.

also, i dont know whether to suggest couples counselling again when i meet her to discuss finances, dont know how she''ll take it (most likely a no).

god what a small ps, my ranting does get the better of me. i cant help feeling so bad, the nights are the worst. think ill try a sleeping tablet tomorrow as ive not yet done so.

I know how desperately horrible the nights are. But have hope, I have finally stated sleeping again.

Well done booking the counselling session. It has helped me a lot and got me to a better place where some of the horribleness has gone and I am starting to sleep. Mine started out as couples counselling but he said he didn`t get anything out of the two sessions we had together and refused to go to any more. I then went alone as we`d paid. Best thing I ever did has really helped me and I am sure it will you too.

Keep posting and hang on in there.

Be careful with the sleeping pills. I was taking zopiclone for nearly a year and found it very difficult to come off them. I''m not saying don''t take them - it''s hell not be able to sleep - just don''t get hooked on them like I did.

Take care.

Nights are the worst and mind gremlins are your own worst enemy.

I have been waking up at 5am like clockwork for the past few mornings - no matter what time I had gone to bed - and then they start.

I have started to read the blogs on here and it is comforting to see that there are others who are also up at that time and are suffering in the same way (I mean that in the nicest possible way ).

I had sleeping pills but only made sure that I took them when I became very sleep deprived ie a few nights of averaging 3-4 hours. Everything seems so much worse when you are tired.

Good luck with the counselling. I am due to start it on my own a week on Friday. From what others have said it should help in so many ways.

Re the tickets - it is possible that she is just going with a girlfriend so try not to beat yourself up over it, I know that it is easier said than done but you won''t be doing yourself any favours.

Take care of yourself.

((((hugs))))

Also re FB, you could just ''unfriend'' her.

This is what I have done with my hubby as I just can''t bear to have his new life rubbed in my face....

...just a thought...

Our stories are so similar mate.

I think the individual councelling will do you good.

My wifes pedestal was way up in the clouds, lost weight, started working in an industry where 98% of people are men, and whoooosh - gone.

I think that file is attached