male perspective

I have just read a post regarding ex husbands introducing there OW to their children. It got me thinking and thought that i would put forward my expereince which was to have my wife of 8years but partner for 18 years tell me she had found someone else from her works and that they loved each other and hope to get married , she left and took my to boys with her ( aged 15 and 10) both were crying and saying they dont want to choose but had to go with their mum. I see my boys regularly but it kills me when they go back. It hurts like hell knowing that i wont be there for my boys all the time and that the OM will possibly be there at least with my youngest son.
Just having a rant thats all

I really feel for you; you might find this interesting.

www.dad.info/b/kids-in-the-middle/

Mate,

You have my full and unending sympathy. I still manage to see my 2 girls most if not every night as soon as I get back from work. I purposely moved locally to enable me to do that. Every night I tell them how much I love them and assure them when I will see them next. Trudging down those stairs having tucked them up in bed and having to go straight out the front door of what was the family home still hurts very deep after over 3 years.
Gain comfort in the quality things you do and say with your boys. Dont be bitter or sad around them. Give them nothing but happy and memorable times and believe you me, it will help.
I dont think you / we / I will ever be able to get over the fact that there are some small things we will miss out on, but in my case as I am sure it is yours, make them minimal. Attending every function, play, performance and other things along with being the strong, happy, fun, open and loving dad that I am sure you are, will keep both you and your boys very grounded and balanced for the future ahead.

Sorry if I have rambled, I havent even checked my spellings !!

Keep in touch buddy. You are not alone. Thinking of you as I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong.

Best regards,

dadinamill...

Hiya
I am in your boat but from the female side. I don't live in the marital home - I had to go - the mental and physical strain were making me ill and a friend offered me a place to live. Trouble is it wasn't near my kids. I only see them when I know he is not there and now my youngest one is so upset cos he is not seeing me enough. I have a battle on my hands with my ex cos I want my son living wtith me and he won't let it. So court in 3 weeks to sort out the finacnes and the kids.

I know what you mean - it really hurts. Stay stong. You are with fiends here.

Mollyx

antiwy

My god Dad, thank you so much. what you just posted there has put everything back in perspective for me. I've been having very dark thoughts about what i'll do when the stbx meets another man, and my 8 year old boy is there with him more than i can be and tbh...........you might've just saved a life m8.

i'm in a different situation matt my stbx left and went 400 odd miles away my children are 17 and 11 the eldest is my son the other my daughter,they havent seen him for 7 months but hes coming down this month for the first time to see them,he txts them every night saying gnite luv u but they have no father figure in their lives any more its not like he's been around the corner since he left he didnt even say goodbye to them it was a shock to us all,in my opinion it's best having both parents in kids lives they still feel love and know they can turn to either at any time.my son lost respect for his dad for what he did,but still loves him,my daughter on the other hand has no idea if she stills loves him she wont even let her emotions out they have nothing in common now all but a txt saying gnite,she had her sats results yesterday he didnt know that til i rose above the hurt and told him,he still hasn't txt her or phoned her to say congratulations or anything.you keep you're chin up matt no one will ever take your place as a father in the eyes of your son and for as long as your in his life he'll know you'll never be replaced tc