Getting over the pain and trusting again.

Its been just over a year since my seperation which is now going to be a divorce.
I have been on a few dates as I feel ready to love again but have so much trouble trusting what men say.
A couple have told me they love me! This freaks me out as I am a big believer in actions speaking louder than words.
I don't want the damage my ex has done to make me have loads of boundaries but it so hard not too.
Its a fine line between being cautious and bitter isn't it?
Any advice welcome!
x

Hey Kitten, I don't think you're being callous just cautious. After what you've been through it's understandable. You can enter in to a new relationship on your terms now but only if you feel ready. I think the experiences you, I and other Wiki's have been through teach us that we don't necessarily need someone's attention to reinforce our feelings of self worth - but it must be nice for people to say they like you. Love? That's a bit full on so early and I think that would freak me out too a little bit.

Kitten I am in a similar place to you. I have been through hell with my stbx and in fact continue to. Up until about three months ago I was adamant that I would never go near another man and itg would just be me and my girls against the world from now on. Any advances received were firmly rebuffed and I had a wall built round me that was impenetrable, or so I thought. There was one brave soul who wouldn't take no for an answer and set about wooing me. I made it so hard for the poor chap but I did start to feel the stirrings of interest in a fella. Sadly it didn't go far with this man, but I have since met a lovely man who is everything that my stbx is not, and thanks to the first chaps persistence I was able to let go a little and agree to at least go out for a drink. I did run it past my girls first as I wouldn't have done it without their approval, and they were all strongly in favour of me just having some fun. To cut a long story short we are now an item and enjoying life greatly. Now for the million dollar question, do I trust him in every way, no of course not at this early stage, but every time I have a doubt so far he is proving through his behaviour and actions that he is nothing like the stbx. Every time he proves this by his actions it starts to rebuild the trusting side of me, one brick at a time.

So take things at the pace you feel comfortable with, don't get pushed to a place you don't want to be and just have fun. Blimey you have had one vile man stuck to you don't start thinking about gluing another on to replace him. Go out, have fun and see where life leads you. Say how you feel, do what you feel is right and if you are with the right man it will happen without pushing.

What a lovely message Hazel, thank you.

I don't have any trouble meeting men I like but it never seems to turn into anything.

Maybe I give off the wrong vibe?

Maybe its too soon?

But I feel ready to be with someone. I feel like a good man would reinstate my faith in the opposite sex.

I want to forget my ex - I know he is not the 'one' and never was - but the men I have met so far have done nothing to give me hope.

I will let my barriers down when someone can prove they are genuine and worthy of my love and time.

I am glad you have a nice man now and wish you happiness and luck.
x x

Hi Kitten. There needs to be that spark there to progress further. If its not there for you and not for them, it wont work. To find the right one, you will have to kiss a lot of frogs. But dont be tempted to go for just anyone. They have to be right and they have to push all the right buttons for you. There is no point jumping from the fat into the fire. Just wait and see. Let it happen.

Also, you are right to keep yr guard up until you are sure of them. A decent man will understand and wait for you. The ones that are just after one thing, wont wait. And thats not what you want. I am sure...

Who knows, Mr right could be just round the corner or as often the case in yr life already and you dont know it. Keep trying. The world rewards those that keep trying... Hope it works out for ya. C.