Everything is Crap again!

One week on and he hasn't kissed or cuddled me! let alone anything else.
he has done as he pleased, although he did take me to daughters in norwich last sunday and took me to a work do in the evening and picked me up.
Am I expecting too much?

I asked him why if he is 'trying' why doesn't he want to spend any time with me or have sex with me and he shouted at me and said he didn't want to talk about it and I was having a go.

If he really wanted to be with me (were 18 yrs in here) surely he would be making an effort.

it seems that he wants:
To have free time to himself whenever he wants (starts work at 12 midday and doesn't want me to start work later and spend time with him as he likes these 3 hours to himself - where he does f. all in the house)
Not to have to come in at night til he wantsfinishes work at 8 and always doesn't come in til after 10 (overtime ap apparently)
Golf at weekends one or both days throughout most of the year

Doesn't want to talk about my loneliness,
lack of sex,

if I moan he retreats more
if I am nice to him he still does what he wants.
I am in a no win situation.
I wish I could turn the emotions off.

Any suggestions. He says he doesn't want a divorce - but prob because he is doing what he wants and doesn't have to interact with me and doesn't want the hassle of it and living somewhere away from daughter.

Really sad and confused.
What is wrong with him?


Carrie
x

Hi Carrie,
I have read a few of your posts and know you really want to save your marriage but in all honesty is it worth putting up with all this to stay married.
this might sound harsh but it seems as though your husband has stopped loving you, is living a new life and only staying as it is convenient for him until he meets someone else as he doesnt want to live alone.
Has your husband ever spent any length of time living alone, the reason I ask is your posts sound so familiar to my experiences and the only reason mine stayed married to me was for financial gain and until he found someone else to do the cooking, washing etc, mine had never lived alone.
find your spirit and strength from family and friends and say enough, you have a life to live as well, as all you are doing at the moment is waiting for the day he tells you he has met someone else and is moving out.
believe me when i say it is better to get rid of him now than to face that and realise that all the time and effort you made was a complete waste of your life and time, he just doesn't have the guts to tell you until he has the support from another woman.
sorry to sound so blunt, you deserve to have happiness and someone to care and love you, there is no stigma or defeat in realising that you and your daughter deserve better.
kindest thoughts
dawn

Hey Carrie,

No answers I'm afraid - either your husband is trying to work out what he wants and its best to give him a bit of time and space to let him do so or he's trying to avoid you and thats not a healthy place to be.

I know you love him and want things to work out, so I would probably say tell him you want him to think about what he wants and give him some time to do so - the one thing you cant do is ket this go on forever, and I dont profess to know you, but I get the impression you dont want to make the big decision - give him a little time to decide what he wants. Remember though, that you're a great person and have a huge amount to offer - and you deserve better to hang on hoping with no encouragement forever.

I hope it works out for you

Chris

xx

Hi Carrie, I really feel for you because I know what you are going through. Your husband it totally confused at the moment and it sounds very much like a midlife crisis. Please read up on this if you haven't already it will help.

I suffered for so long with the rejection, not wanting to talk, no affection, at times he was so kind but then he would look at me as though he resented me being in his life. It is heartbreaking to go through and it destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. His answer was always that he felt we were in a rut, he felt depressed, overworked. The truth was the guilt of his affair was being taken out on me.

I know my situation was different but the way I was treated is so similar. Please look after yourself and stay strong.

Poppie

you are a security blanket while he finds someone else i think.

I agree!!!!

My stbx has another girl, but when he is upset or down he still comes to me for hugs....the cheek!!!

Claudette

Hi
I agree with jelly (I seem to do that a lot) either you are a security blanket or he's waiting for you to kick him out so that he can say that he had no choice. i am biased because I have been there and done that. He is a coward that if you let him, he will psychologically destroy you BUT this is my view.

You must ask youself 'can I continue like this? Is it worth it?' If the answer is yes then ask if he will go to marriage guidance.

Above all take care of yourself.

Good luck
Tricia