How do i cope

Hi. Sorry I have not been on line. Some days I feel I hide away. How can I possibly thank you all for your support. Megan, you must be really frustrated with me. I have my bad days and I have medium days. Medium days are when I am not thinking about him 24/7. When I have periods of normal thinking. It is taking over my life. So frustrated by waking up every morning at 4.30 or 5.00 and having my head so full of my problems that I cannot sleep. Need to sleep as I have to work with a clear head!!

I cannot seem to go a full day when I am better than medium. The light nights help. God knows what I will do when it is dark when I get home from work.

I often don't log on but read the posts. Cannot really log on at work but read the posts when it is my lunch. I know there are a lot of people out there like me and I know in some ways I am very lucky. I feel so stupid as in my case I don't think I will lose my house. Well not if my job keeps up. Although this is doubtful right now.

I get so angry with myself for not being in control of my own emotions.

That is enough rambling for now I guess. thank you all for listening. You are truly caring people.

D xx

You need to break away from this man and his emotional ties once and for all. You cannot be held responsible for his actions. If he is on a self destruct course so be it. You really need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and he has moved on. You need to move on too. Mothering him in this way is not going to earn you any respect from him, your friends or your family. Get strong and move on! Good luck.

McNaughty ... It is easy to tell people to move on but soooooo much harder to do (even when you know it is good advice:unsure:

People have said this to me too, as well as 'you have to accept that he no longer wants to be with you'

Well, do you know what ..... he had ages, probably years, to come round to that idea and decision. I had no idea of how my H felt and was presented with a fait accomplis and everyone expected me to deal with it at the same stage as him. Life aint like that. Like Mrs Onmyown, I still have some catching up to do!!

Hi. Yes you are right I need to move on. Good advice but as Jezzie says easier said than done. I am trying very hard to do this and I am getting better, but it will be a long process I guess. I have come on by leaps and bounds since this sorry mess came to a head in April. But I have spent more than half of my life with this person and it is so difficult some times.

I take all the advice I see on this site on board and it is helping me enormously. However, there are still bad days, lots of them. I have not managed a good day yet and I have not managed to feel anger towards him. It seems my only feelings right now are self pity. Sad isn't it?

I do know that it is over and there is no going back and that I need to make a life for myself. My children are grown. One lives in Canada!! They have their own lives and I cannot keep crying on their shoulders. I really must have a conversation with them that is about me and not my situation. I am trying I really really am. xx

There's nothing sad about it, I never really switch off from the situation even when i'm busy, its in my mind 24/7. I can't quite understand the no anger towards him. I don't know how I feel towards my stbx, not exactly anger, confusion, love, amazement that here I am on my own, deserted and discarded. Not sure.

I don't know how old you are, i'm 52, and its very difficult to pick yourself up and get a new life. I haven't got that much life left before i'm on the scrap heap again when I have to retire. You're a bit past your sell by date and the thought of dating again is not something I want to face, but I feel I can do it and hopefully so can you. If nothing else I am coping better on my own although money is getting a bit scarce and having some financial security would be nice. But perhaps if you are financially secure you don't think of anything but him and what he has done and why he has left, again not sure.

You have to keep on going and whatever your age and circumstances there is life out there.

You will cope, hundreds do. I know how hard it is believe me but day by day.

Keep on going, we're all here for you.

Take care

hugs
stop beatin yourself up with this movin on crap.its not a race.slow dowm way down its actually ok for you tomchug along at your own pace.give yourself permission to go slowly and to not blame yourself/be kind to little you.it will move on its gonna happen so just chill.if its a sad day thats ok those tears are healin you.if you have a good moment then good.keep goin u r doin ok

Hi GH and Jelly

I am 57 GH and feel like I am on the scrap heap too. Especially as the princess is only just turned 40. Financially I will be ok if I amange to hang on to my job. Looking a bit dicey at the mo as the company is struggling. Hey ho!
My feelings are as you describe, all mixed up and confusing. No real anger but I have heard this can be very destructive if not controlled. So don't want to go down that road.


Jelly you are such a positive person and so caring. I am trying and I will carry on trying. As I said to GH I will keep on trying to get there. I will just have to be a bit more patient I guess. xx