Confused over my bf feelings for ex

Hi all,
I've been seeing my bf for 2 years now. We're both separated with children so have similar issues to deal with. I am my children's primary carer, so my contact with their father is minimal but essential. I think there comes a point in every broken marriage, amicable or not, that you move on. We've definitely reached that point.

My bf and his ex share the care of their son, as she does shift work. He will often have his son for weeks at a time. Not a problem to me but what I am finding hard to deal with is the constant phone calls and text sent between the two of them. He says she just wants to know how her son is and vice verse but honestly, surely not 3-4 times daily? I know they chat about other stuff too and something's I'd regard as inappropriate. He often says, i wish she'd leave me alone and how much he hates her, so doesn't help himself when he tells her so much about his life now.

I am really confused as to what to do for the best. Sometimes I feel as though I'm coming across as a jealous ***** and I don't ever want to be like that with him cos he's wonderful but with a slight imperfect.

Does anyone out there have a similar problem. Would love to hear it or people's views on mine. x

Not surprised you're confused!

It does sound as though there is some lingering residual feeling between them. If he really wants to stop her frequent calls he could do that and still keep her informed about their son, say just once a day.

Have you discussed how you feel about them chatting about what you regard as 'inappropriate stuff'? It is odd that after two years separation they still communicate 3 and 4 times daily and chat.

You need to protect yourself and think whether this relationship could finish up hurting you. Every relationship has risks, as we know so well, but this is clearly making you unhappy so you need to let him know how you feel and see what happens.

Good luck.

Mitchum x

two ways I think.
plan a, sit down and talk about it, tell him how you feel, ask him how he feels tell him how you want to be.
he might dismiss most of the allegations?
plan b, after a day of various texts etc, mention that could they have been done in one go, or what was the outcome?
over time he might get the message, but also might think your nagging.
You know him best, choose which you think might sink in deeoest, he is just a bloke afterall!! we are not good at connecting stuff like this

I think you need to be glad that your bf and his ex can communicate...there are plenty of us on here who cannot (I cant even let my ex have my mobile number as he's a bully).
A good communication regarding shared parenting = happy parents and happy child.
I think he's saying the odd "I hate her" to appease you.
In your mind compartmentalise your bf and his ex...think of her like a business associate almost.
Be glad they have a good relationship coz I'm pretty sure if they didnt he'd go through hell and that would put a strain on your relationship with him.
You need to take a deep breath and realise that his ex will always be a part of his life as long as their child is a child..and beyond.
He's with YOU now...surely if he wanted her still and vica verca they'd still be together?

Thanks for all your comments guys. This site is great for advice.
The thing is I have mentioned how I feel on many occasions and that's when he tells me how much he hates her. I know the their relationship is very volatile, as she will often scream and shout down the phone to him and send very nasty text messages, calling him I the names under the son. If I treated my ex like that, I know he'd put me straight. But yet he still goes running to her every comment and will give her mobey at the drop of a hat. Like I've said, it's like they are still together without having to live together. If that makes sense.

justgoaway is right with that post too as well, but in moderstion obviously.

I was at my friends last night and his ex came round, their son wanted his wetsuit, they had a laugh and chatted about certain people in their lives and whats happening.

Me and my ex if left alone, I would probably struggle, to get my foot off her throat...

Hi Bobbinalong. Yes I agree to a certain extent with justgivein but they don't always get on and it's me who gets the blunt end of it when she starts.
Anyway, like you, I too find it hard to even make eye contact with my ex now. He has been such a bully lately with his clever talk. I really need to tell him this week that I'm starting divorce proceedings but I'm scared to and keep putting it off. It's not that I think he'll object to a divorce cos he has a girlfriend now, it's what come with, e.g, he lives in our family home and we have other joint things that need sorting.