wobble

I am sitting here in bed should go to sleep but can't...
Husband hasn't made any effort to try to reconcile after getting divorce letter, obviously it is truly over.
He doesn't love me he has told me and his actions quite clearly demonstrate this, but its the accusations - the blame being given to me, makes me feel inadequate and i'm blaming myself and saying if i had done this and not done that he may still love me. all bollocks i know, but i'm really hurt.
Is coming home after work and spending time with me, having tea and watching the tv too much to ask?
He always came in at least 2 hours late finished work at 8pm never in before 10pm , never spoke to me, went to another room and certainly not interested in me physically. If he came in at 3 in the morning i wasn't allow to grill him,and his phone became physically attached even in the middle of the night. played golf at weekends, although sometimes he was ok and that always gave me hope. Should I have been happy with that little bit of niceness? because now I will have none?
sorry to ramble on
Carrie

no you shouldnt have been happy with it, the hurt and pain will pass and believe me it may take a very long time, but it will pass.

take good care

Colin

Carrie

Please don't blame yourself. I have been through what you are going through - the blame, the what if? You know you deserve more that this. We all put up with it because we love that person. At the end of the day you have to think that it is his loss, not yours. You have been there for him, ready to give him love and affection and if he turns his back on that then you are not to blame.
Remember he is a different person now to the one you thought you knew, so would you be happy with this new man? I guess not because it is the old one you seek.
Things will get easier for you, the hurt is always there but it does fade.
Take care of yourself, get plenty of sleep - it helps keep you strong.
Remember there are plenty of people here to give you virtual hugs!

Lost

thank you both - you are so kind. I know you are both right - It goes round and round in my head what did I do that was so terrible that he doesn't love me - we had a good live - no money worries, nice kids, nice jobs etc etc why can't he see that. What happened to him! I think he must have someone else but he is never going to admit it - I will have to remember that they have this new Peter not the one I loved and I don't want this new Peter.

Thanks again.
Carrie x

Hi Carrie

It sounds like you'll be better off without him in your life. You don't deserve to be treated like that, you shouldn't settle for it and I'm sure better things are round the corner for you. That little bit of hope can keep us all clinging on when we know we should sort things out and move on with our lives for our own long term good. Like lost says, this new man isn't the one you fell in love with. If you met him now as he is would you even be interested?

Take care hun

Hi Carrie,

Don't know whether you remember the TV advert but try and think of yourself as a Weeble.

"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down". Stay strong.

You appear to have been on the moral high ground throughout and your sense of right will see you through this painful experience with a little help from your wiki friends, if you need us.

Divorce should always be seen as a last option but it sounds from his comments that mediation may be a little late for you. You can drag a horse to water but you can't make it drink.....

Unreasonable Behaviour could be a good reason for divorce to save waiting for a 2 year separation..

Good luck

Mike