told husband

husband come in from work at 10.30 (2 and half hours later that when he is supposed to finish) and yes he was at work apparently.
I told him i have been to the solicitors (I could kick myself I am still trying to bloody well get him to come round and tell me he loves me!!)
He was calm and didn't want to be bothered to discuss. Stupidly I was still pleading and saying if only you would cuddle me, have sex with me spend time with me I woul be happy! and he says he can't give me what i want! Good grief he much hate me - but it is obviously he doesn't want me any more - i said i wouldn't be bugging him any more and he was happy with that. God i feel like a stupid teenager.
Sorry to keep going on - i'm desperate - i want him to love me and he doesn't and i hate it! I wanted to grow old with him and he doesn't

Carrie, really sorry to hear of your predicament but you don't say why yu went to see sol. For advice re divorce? and if so why? Something has to have driven you to go. It sounds as though he is a very manipulative man. Perhaps he feeds off your needs. It is natural to want to be loved by your partner and very hard and heartbreaking when your not. (Yes speaking from experience). Let me know there are great people who not only give advice and opinions but also offer wonderful support. We are all in similar situations sometimes on opposite sides of the fence and therefore can give both sides!

carrie it does not sound that you are ready for this move,do not do it.Take some time,analyse your feelings and the practical sides too.Do not let your hurt get in the way ,you are giving him an hultimatum,hoping he will chose what you want.It might not work this way.Be positive of what you want,work to get him back or divorce.You decide!!
big hugs

I am divorcing husband for his unreasonable behaviour. We have been together 18 years. he doesn't love me any more, constantly tells me that he doesn't think he can give me what i want and that i would be much better off finding someone else. he admits he has totally withdrawn from me (for over a year) and refuses to be intimate or support me on any level. he changed his work to work 12-8pm so he doesn't see me. comes in about 10.30 most nights and go straight to his room. i crave the emotional closeness we once had but he has made it quite clear he doesn't want it. he blames me for everything although i don't think staying out til 3 in the morning and not responding to mobile and pretending to be at work is unacceptable. i was told not to grillhim - to put up or ship out. so I am shipping out. he was delighted that i am giving him freedom. i suspect an affair but have no proof although according to solic doesn't make a scrap of different to outcome of divocrce so wont beat up myself trying to find evidence. just because i am going down this route doesn't mean i don't still love him because i willalways love him there is no point in continuing in this loveless marriage - if i thought he would wake up one morning - 1 week, 1 month, 1 year from now and love me I would STAY but that isn't going to happen.
Carrie

Carrie, was in similar situation kept hopng "old" Husband would come back, he did for periods of time then would revert to moody sod and loner. Nearly lef 7 years ago but didn't because of the children they were both very young. Wish I had as just as I thought everything was good better than it had been for years he droppethe bombshell and left. Was devastated atfirst but now reaslise the best thing to have happened to us. I was so controlled and manipulated that I lost my self. It is driving him nut as now I am in control of me and he can't frighten me any longer. He is now the one going to pieces as I'm no the victim anymore.

Chin up and have faith in yourself.

Think hard about this but if you feel it is loveless why prolong your agony I did and regret not leaving sooner. We were together 16 years!

Take care

carrie you are so brave.I kept hanging in there took every bit of criticism fully accepted all of it was my fault.put up with his interest in other men because i was so ugly and revolting,accepted that sex was 'a chore' with me,believed i was ignored and treat with contempt on a daily basis because i deserved it because i was worthless with nothing to give of any value.Knew he was speaking the truth when i was thick,stupid and ugly.I became a shell of a person,still am in some ways.Hats off to you girl you have found the courage and self esteem to put an end to the possibility of becoming an empty shell.well done girl.I hope you realise that he has manipulated you into being instrumental in ending the marriage.Although he is a bully he is an emotional coward.He has pushed you into a corner so that he cannot be the one to be blamed for ending it.You know in your heart he doesn't want you anymore.The hope you have in your heart won't in my view go away for a long time.It is inspiring to see your courage shining through.

hugs and hugs.

Agree 100% with Souzee and Jelly, He has forced you into a position where you have no choice and for the good of yourself I think you should ask him to leave. You are obviously a strong and intelligent women and I think you know the inevitable will happen whether that is what you want or not.

It takes two to make a marriage but it also takes two to repair one and there is no point trying to repair it on your own as it wont work and will just crumble in a months time or a years time.

I know how much you love him, as I can see it in your words but you must love yourself more.

It's a scary time and your emotions are all over the place but with the support of the wonderful Wiki crowd and the support that they will continually offer you, you will get through these dark months.


Thinking of you

Take care

Broken1