Why Do I hurt when I was the one to leave???

I left my husband 6 months ago after trying to patch our marriage up after he had an affair 3 years ago! At the time as a condition that I stayed I wanted us to get councilling and find out why the affair happened. After he missed a few appointments I gave up on the idea. Our home life had improved and he was really trying although I feel he could have tried harder! The years seemed to roll by and before I knew it we were talking about starting a family. It hit me like a bolt out the blue that I couldn't have a child with this man as since the affair I didn't really trust him anymore. We started to drift apart and he spent a lot of time on the internet. He didn't particularly go out a lot but I felt that things just weren't right.

I left six months ago and have since found out that he was on a number of websites portraying himself as a single man and communicating with lots of women via chat rooms etc. Now I know this isn't adultery but I think I was right in trusting my instincts. Within weeks of us separating he had a new girl on his arm and was very keen to show her off. I have since met someone else who is lovely, trustworth, and caring, yet it still hurts me to see my husband doing all the things he would never do with me with his new girlfriend. I struggled when I first left him to get into a relationship as I just felt so numb, yet he was with someone new almost instantly (although I have my suspicions that he met her before we separated). It's so difficult to understand why I am feeling this way, I know what I have now is a fantastic relationship and that the way my husband treated me was wrong and he was a lying cheat but it doesn't seem to make things anybetter! Am I still in love with him??? I've destroyed nearly every picture I have of him and cried and cursed him with every one I burnt but I just can't bring myself to burn our wedding photo's.

It's so weird as I knew the relationship couldn't go on and I didn't want to have children with him yet I feel empty????

Sunshinedays:unsure:

Hi Sunshinedays

I dont think you are still in love with him I think you are naturally grieving for the man you married. His behaviour is suspect, he has got himself a girlfriend and as you say showing her off that is just to make him feel better to boost his self esteem not necessarily a good reason to enter into a relationship. You are doing the right thing taking things slowly because even though you are the one who made the decision to end the relationship you are sad that it has failed. You sound like a sensible person and the father of your children has to be a special person with special qualities. Take your time.

Whatnow

quick note.. chin up girl... we all deal with break downs in a whole host of ways.

His loss.. Thats all I can say.

But be carefult that you are not on the rebound

chin up lass. time is a great healer and you will come out of it alot better than him.!!


:O)