Why is divorce so much harder than separation?

Well I've just agreed with my estanged husband that I will file for divorce on the grounds of his adultery as 1 week after leaving me he moved in with another woman and her 2 kids. We have concluded that there is no way back for us - he loves having the kids around and I still don't want children and especially not with someone that I would need to learn to trust again.

Although we both found it upsetting to face up to the end of a 12 year marriage, we still love and care about each other discussions continue to be amicable and hopefully we will end up as friends once the dust has settled.

He was happy to stay separated for 2 years, I'm the one who wants a divorce so we can both move on, tie up all the legalities and stop what seems like a sham - am his wife in name only. So why does the divorce process (just started filing) have such an emotional impact? I went through a lot of the horrible stuff when he left and then again when we realised it really was over so why doI get so wobbly about a legal term and a piece of paper??

DiamondAngel,
Because it is final, and you didn't want this to happen. It hurts. And he seems so carefree and happy. And you don't.
We are here for you with a virtual hug when you need it.
Mike

.........because it's a loss. A loss of something special, something that once fed us spiritually, emotionally, sexually, intellectually etc.

And like all loss, (Bereavement) you will go through the many stages before you stop wobbling! Dis-belief, anger, denial etc.

One day, you'll be in a better place. Meanwhile, you've found this community of like-minded souls, and we all understand the wobbly moments, and how a piece of A4, when stapled with a solicitors coloured triangle bit - can leave us feeling resentful, angry, frustrated and poor!

Now, I don't remember this much paperwork when I married!

Mike is right... couldn't have said it better myself.