I don't know what to do.

they manipulate us and smash our self esteem and confidence into a million pieces,they want us their as a security blanket my ex 's parting words were if i get cancer can i come back to you.i was so lost and scared i said of course.they get us into such a mess we are eternally grateful and forever looking for any tiny crumbs of hope.by the time they go we know it to be true that we are a no good useless piece of s... who cannot cope on our own.the only way is to cut off contact with them it is so very painful but crucialo to us getting better.

I too found out that my 52 year old husband of 33 years was seeing someone of 28, he swore that they were just friends and that was all - I found out that they ahd been sleeping together - apparently just the once !! He agreed to stop seeing her on his own and would never go to her house - but he did, even though we were still having a physical realtoipnssip and enkojing days and nights out - he lied to her too as he made it out that all we did was argue - he lied to me by saying he had not seen her - he did not tell me he had slept with her again - he did not tell her he had slept with me. I have spoken and texted her she has no idea what pain I am in but I have told her that I still love him - this has been going on for 5 months after the last set of lies I really do not know what to do either she knows i love him and tells me she does not see her relationship lasting so why she cannot just go away i do not know. He says he loves me and always will but also loves her. I have moved out but desperatly want him in my life I have not spoken to him for 4 days know and it feels like a lifetime - I am lost so I cannot give you any advice. I always thought that if I was cheated on that that would be the end but know know what a dilemma I am now in and feel that you may be the same, all I can say is take care and hope whatever you decide that it works out for you

I agree with you but it is very hard to cut your self off from someone that you love.

to be honest with you ,you give him another chance you will live to regret it,a leopard never change his spots.Have been there !!!Run when you have got the chance.You have no children ,just yourself so why wait to bring them in this world to suffer.He does not go now but he wil one day just because he knows he can do it.Think very carefully with your head as well as your heart.Does he want to come back because there is someone alse on the scene.

**UPDATE**
The other girl my husband was seeing is pregnant. And she's due in August, with his son. When I heard this, I wanted to vomit. Even after this, he STILL wants to work it out. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and die. Sorry I disappeared for a while, but this news kind of made me crawl into a little shell and I didn't want to come out for a while.

He says that he doesn't want any contact and she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the child either. (Except send a big fat check every month, I'm sure...) He said that we could move on, start a family of our own and pretend this all never happened. PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED! He is freaking MAD! I am going out of my mind!!!

I really feel for you. Have been there and have the t-shirt etc. I gave mine THREE chances and each time he thinks when he stops being cocky and nasty that I will just take him back. Then he gets confident again and the cycle repeats itself - each time they blame you for your faults too. I can see how you still believe in some of the things he says as I still do and am only just weaning myself off not believing a word he says.

Also if he is willing to walk away from an unborn child , what does that say for him as a person and father? Would he not do the same to any children you had togther if you did get back together?

Its so easily said and so hard to do. But only you can make the decision. Visualise how you will begin to trust him again and how your life will be...

Big hugs, I hope you find a way through

Just a note from one not experienced similar.....is the fact you have evidence of his dispicable conduct perhaps part of his trying to win you over? He has had his cake and eaten it......you have the evidence....why settle for the crumbs. You deserve better
Elle