still wont leave, at the end of my tether!

I have to agree...I couldnt stay any longer and leaving put me in the underdogs position as well as adding to my vulnerability back then....its a scary process and I understand your fears to instigate, but SD is right...you are prolonging your agony
Best wishes
Elle

I am going to play devil's advocate here...but why should the man be the one to leave the house?

He hasn't done anything wrong, its just that you don't love him anymore! How can one partner decide that it's time for the other to leave - who has that right? Presumably, he has worked hard to support the family and home and his only crime is to be over possessive in his love for you.
If it really is that bad then you would have left by now. As other's have suggested you will need to push on with divorce proceedings and get the financials sorted, either through mediation or through the solicitor/court route. In the meantime, try and separate your lives as much as is humanly possible under one roof. I have read how other's on here have managed to do so, as difficult as it might appear. Good Luck