Tentative praise for mediation

Just to let you all know that today I attended my 3rd and last mediation session.
The first session was a bit tetchy and I thought it would never work. However we had 6 proposals on the table. We went away and looked at them and in session 2 I sais which proposals I definitely would not consider (i.e. 70-30 in his favour - yes he asked for that). We then talked through custody and drilled down into figures.
Our house was originally valued at 190k in Oct, then 170k in December. Owe 20k. Endowment -his 8,500. both got pensions him 69k me 20k.
Anyway session 3 today we finally agreed to me paying off existing mortgage 20k and giving him 55k plus he can keep endowment and we both keep our own pensions. Therefore - the way I look at it is I get to stay in my home for 75k. He walks away with 55k cash plus 8,500 endowment plus his 10k of the mortgage paid off.(73k). So far so good...the mediator is drafting up the statement of arrangements and then we will take to solicitor for Consent Order to be signed.
It seems that it has proved very beneficial to us and we even have an amicable enough relationship so that I have said that he can rent with me until he finds something suitable rather than rush out and buy something. (Rent for me and cheap living for me)
Obviously until it is signed on the dotted line I won't cheer but so far apart from my initial complaint when she kind of biased the summary/minutes in his favour I am pleased. Hope this helps someone. Mediation cost us 60 pounds each per session. so 360 pounds in all. I am not sure how much a consent order is but it would appear that we have made savings.

Hi Blue,


Good luck for the future & for sharing your experience.
((hugs)) LBD

As I'm a mediator, I was delighted to read a positive story about mediation. All too often, one only reads about how things went wrong. Clearly, some are mediators are better than others and evidentally yours did a 'proper job' and for a very modest fee, compared to the amount you might be called upon to pay to solicitors and barristers.

Of course, you and your ex should take some credit for the successful outcome - if you hadn't approached the mediation with a willingness to be reasonable and to compromise, the result might have been a different. I suspect mediation failures are often due to one or both parties ranting and stomping off, and the mediator being unable to control the situation.

I am a firm believer in the benefits of mediation (which is why I switched careers). As you can confirm, it is usually less aggressive, quicker and considerably cheaper and, for those who don't know much about it, there is an explanatory article in the library section of this web-site.

Anyway, thank you for posting your helpful comments.

The one bugbear we had was the suite! 2 years left to pay DFS and it is in his name. I said to stbx that we would take a piccy of us sitting on it and e-mail her it! I am now buying the suite off of him! lol

Btw..how do you become a mediator? It is something that I might like to do.

I'm glad this looks like you've got a result Blue!

Who put togther the seven options? If the mediator did this - I'd say well done, ours seem to not understand our case, (although it wasn't a straight forward needs case) and would not suggest much, (allowing my aggressive ex to lead the session) and my ex wouldn't play fairly.

I think mediation ought to be made THE only option to divorce; and if there was a refusal to sort matters; then I think the one not attempting to resolve it should be liable to court costs.

Totally agree. Mediation should at least be tried. I do agree that there has to be a willingness there though. We are both decent people who do not want to stitch each other up. Life is short. The way I look at it is..yes it's sad we split up but NOBODY DIED! Life goes on...

Blue,

I also felt that mediation could be something i would like to do.
I have looked into it a little, and from what i can gather you need some kind of law background.
I am seriously thinking of doing a psychology course and maybe get into mediation that way.
I would appreciate some input from someone that could clarify this for me please