Any financial success stories, 7 year divorce...

Hello,

This is on behalf of my partner. He and his wife split up 10 years ago. She had a high paid job in a well known bank. They had 4 children between them; two that his wife had from a former marriage and two they had together. My partner raised all 4 children as his own and he and his family supported his wife so she could attend college and then climb the career ladder. The intention was she was the main earner while he worked around the family. The separation was acrimonious and contact has been minimal.

The family house has been sold and proceeds split 50/50, the children have grown up, his wife is now living in Scotland. The divorce is being applied in Scotland. My partner is living in rented accommodation and has ran up £14K in solicitor bills and they are still not divorced. His wife is living comfortably and mortgage free. Personally I think he has been badly advised by his solicitor but that's another story.

The only asset left is her bank pension, she has never disclosed the full amount. I realise that Scottish law is different and the pension as an asset is only during the marriage and also valued as at the time of separation. When they first split up they agreed 50/50 of everything but his wife is now disputing this now.

Whilst I realise the law is on her side I wondered whether mediation would be beneficial in this case. It could be said she has a moral duty as she would not have been able to achieve her financial status without the help of my partner or his very supportive family. As said above, he doesn't have any spare money and is working hand to mouth. Could mediation bring him some financial benefit and the divorce they both must want?

Any advice or experiences would be very much appreciated. Thank you. (It's difficult to get on with our own lives with this hanging over us).

In principle, mediation can help. However, both sides need to want to mediate. From what you write I am not sure what is in it for the ex wife. She is sitting fairly comfortably in her eyes and doesn't seem fazed by notions of parity.
My partner went down the mediation route initially. It turned out to be almost pointless and racked up another few thousand pounds in fees. The ex simply failed to see any hardship and was not prepared to move from his cessation of maintenance stance despite the mediator saying there was clear hardship. After 2 days of his complete refusal to see otherwise, there was no alternative but to revert to the courts.

Thank you for your reply. I too thought about the ex's position, what is in it for them. I was hoping that a moral pull would make her consider our differing positions. But considering what her actions did to the family I'm thinking mediation in this case might be a waste of time and money. Such a sad and deflating situation.