Mediation success?

Hi all,

So, have my first joint session with soon to be ex. I So want mediation to work BUT I don't see how it can.
Has anyone had success with someone who simply lies all the time, will fail to produce relevant documents with the 'excuse' that he 'tried but was unable' to (particularly regarding a jointly owned villa abroad that is apparently now 'worthless'). I feel I'm just wasting my money with mediation. Everyone is telling me to avoid court at all costs but I don't see any other option.
Thanks for your views

Do what you can in mediation. Find the main Issue(s) which is the sticking piont and try and find an amicable way with that. Falling that get as much info to support your argument. This make things cheaper if you have a clean case. Looks like I have got 2 sticking pionts to get over at the moment. Need valuations on your villa, can you get some valuations to prove its value.

Hi I had a similar situation with mediation which broke down due to him lying, refusing to provide any financial disclosure and me being diagnosed with cancer. I am now having to go through the Courts which I believe will be a much better financial outcome for me, even with the additional Court costs. I have a supportive solicitor who is trying very hard to keep my costs to a minimum and doesn't respond to my ex's solicitor constant letters unless he sees it as an absolute necessity. My solicitor's advice has been 'remember its business, its not personal!' Going through the Court process, so far, has taken the emotion out of it and my husband has been forced to stick to a Court timetable. Good luck and keep us updated on your decision xx

Dandoka wrote:

Do what you can in mediation. Find the main Issue(s) which is the sticking piont and try and find an amicable way with that. Falling that get as much info to support your argument. This make things cheaper if you have a clean case. Looks like I have got 2 sticking pionts to get over at the moment. Need valuations on your villa, can you get some valuations to prove its value.

Thanks very much for your reply. It's actually even more complicated than this but you are right from what you've said. I'll see what happens. Thank you

eyeofthetiger1 wrote:

Hi I had a similar situation with mediation which broke down due to him lying, refusing to provide any financial disclosure and me being diagnosed with cancer. I am now having to go through the Courts which I believe will be a much better financial outcome for me, even with the additional Court costs. I have a supportive solicitor who is trying very hard to keep my costs to a minimum and doesn't respond to my ex's solicitor constant letters unless he sees it as an absolute necessity. My solicitor's advice has been 'remember its business, its not personal!' Going through the Court process, so far, has taken the emotion out of it and my husband has been forced to stick to a Court timetable. Good luck and keep us updated on your decision xx

Thank you so much. I am feeling now that court may be the best route for me too. We shall see after this first session. So sorry about your cancer and I hope it's treatable. I have some serious but not terminal health issues that help me keep some perspective (ie all that really matters is health and family) but at the same time why should I let him get away with the way he is being! Take care and good luck. Oh I didn't say that unfortunately just to make things even worse he's still living here since clearly his solicitor has advised him not to, despite the fact that if we do end up keeping the house it will be because I am staying here with our 2 young children, for whom I'm the primary carer.

Good luck with the first session. I think you will probably get a much better idea at that time whether mediation will work for you. For me it became apparent immediately that my husand was not going to be flexible and proposed a 60/40 split in his favour even though we have been married 23 years, his income is considerably higher than mine and I had both teenage children with me, paid for all bills for the family home and a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis. Luckily 2 surgeries and 2 chemos rounds later I have no evidence of cancer. Fingers crossed. I took up mindfulness and relaxation which really helped with the stress levels. All the best and hope you can find some lovely distractions that will take your mind off the divorce xx

eyeofthetiger1 wrote:

Good luck with the first session. I think you will probably get a much better idea at that time whether mediation will work for you. For me it became apparent immediately that my husand was not going to be flexible and proposed a 60/40 split in his favour even though we have been married 23 years, his income is considerably higher than mine and I had both teenage children with me, paid for all bills for the family home and a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis. Luckily 2 surgeries and 2 chemos rounds later I have no evidence of cancer. Fingers crossed. I took up mindfulness and relaxation which really helped with the stress levels. All the best and hope you can find some lovely distractions that will take your mind off the divorce xx

Thanks so much. OMG sounds so similar to mine. How can some people be like this! Crazy. SO glad all is ok for you healthwise. I try to remember that people like our exes will never be truly happy as they have their priorities all wrong x