Will mediator stop bullying?

After 1 meeting I get an email from STBX ''telling'' me what the access arrangements will be and that he will now cancel all utility and council tax payments and only pay half mortgage. He will pay min CSA amount but I have to pay back half mortgage to him leaving me £100 a month and to sort out and arrange all utility bills etc, food, petrol, school just etc.

I''m still in FMH and he earns 3x me

We have 2 children 11 & 12, married 22 years when he left suddenly for OW colleague and has moved into rented with her and her kids.

Devastated doesn''t start to cover it. Now coming to realise what an abusive and controlling marriage it was.

My question is can he simply just cancel all the bills for me to sort without waiting to sort at mediation which is due next week? We are due to do financial disclosure then.

I have no idea how I will pay to heat, feed and wash children let alone afford the £100/month school bus fee.

He had given me a weeks notice of this but solicitors have now got me a months notice but still just don''t know how I will cope - can he just do this??? Or can mediator get him to negotiate on more fair basis, being as he is just a bully!

Please help, I''m so panicking

You must make it clear to the Mediator that it needs to be top priority for discussion. Try and have as much of your paperwork done as it possible so that you can illustrate your case. Maybe if you suggest, in front of the Mediator, that you are considering MPS then he might be a bit more reasonable about things. It''s a dreadful situation to be in - my ex left me high and dry too although my kids were grown up. I was on a low income but he just ''pulled the rug'' leaving me with a £300k mortgage and all the household bills. It was the most frightening time of my life. Hopefully your Mediator will see him for the bully that he is. I found that it helped to treat the sessions like a business meeting and just stick to facts and figures. My ex was pretty shocked when I finally pulled myself together and got into the driving seat. He thought he could walk all over me so he had a bit of a shock.

I did indicate at last session I will pursue SM and in his email yesterday he says take him to court!

I plan to prioritise the money but to start the meeting the mediator is feeding back my 11yr olds view on not seeing his dad, he said if son won''t see him he''ll take me to Family court and then he''ll have to see him.

I plan to try and set the priority for the 1.5hrs but am just fearful of his bullying tactics and coming away with no payments agreed

Change mediators, go to citizens advice immediately if you have no money. You can get help for your mortgage payment and other benefits. Do not delay as at least if you are not worrying about the bills etc you can be stronger in fighting him.

SM will only happen after the fiancés are sorted - potentially years away.

What you need to read up on (and sounds like you need) is maintenance pending suit.

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...ce-pending-suit.html

Got a reprieve on the bills until end of month, but an extremely bullish meeting, he was very aggressive and shouting at me. I had to threatened him with MPS which seemed to have desired effect on him backing down over money to some degree.

We were supposed to do Financial Disclosure and I provided my full pack with 12 month statements etc, he did not, the only information he provided was the equivalent of the form E, no statements, etc and only 1 copy given to the mediator - I had nothing from him.

Being very controlling and bullying and I just don''t know what I did to deserve this behaviour from the man I loved unconditionally for 26 years!!

He''s just turned into a monster who doesn''t even see why he has to support his children - he said, I''ve done my bit!!

Feeling very sad about the whole thing especially as next week is a year since he suddenly announced he was leaving:(

The mediator really should not allow him to bully and shout at you.

Your experience sounds so familiar as my ex used to turn up to session ill prepared and without the proper paperwork. No, you don''t deserve to be treated this way but that''s what bullies do when they don''t get what they want. He sounds rattled while you are being outwardly calm and professional. I''m afraid that he''s not the man you married so try not to find answers as to why he has changed - focus on it as a business deal to secure the best possible future for you and your children. You are being the better person!