Advice on Mediation

Hi,
I have asked my wife on two occassions now via her solicitor to consider mediation so we can agree on the financial aspects of our seperation and also the custody arrangements for the children. Both times the response has been no.

She is now starting court proceedings against me to get a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour (utter bullshit) and to sort out finances and property.

As no mediation has taken place, would the courts reject her application until we have been through mediation?

Divorce and finances are separate legal processes - mediation isn''t required before an application for divorce can be submitted.

Courts do prefer disputing couples to attempt mediation before applying to courts to resolve issues over the children or finances, and there is a requirement for the applicant to attend a MIAM (mediation and information assessment meeting) prior to submitting an application -courts would not reject an application if a serious attempt at mediation hasn''t been made - mediation isn''t suitable for everyone.

My advice would be to wait until the divorce papers have been served upon you and you have returned your D10 before approaching the solicitor about mediation again.

I am trying to offer what I consider is a fair offer of settlement so both of us are on a level playing field. I have even offered to sell the family home that I am still living in to release the equity so she can have a substantial amount of cash. She is insisting on divorce proceedings after 5 months seperation and they have threatened me with having to pay all of the costs associated with court because I have contested divorce.

I was hoping mediation would take place so we could have at least agreed in an amicable way how we cut the cake but at this rate, there will be no money to fight over. My poor children will suffer in the long run as she is eating away at what would have been there inheritance in years to come

She probably isn''t quite ready to deal with mediation yet - allow her a wee bit of time to get the Petition in and then ask again.

BTW - it''s usual for the Petitioner in a fault-based divorce (unreasonable behaviour or adultery) to seek the costs of the divorce from the respondent.

I know - I cannot believe she has turned against me so quickly. All I ever did was to look after my family and provide for them.

I wish I had ended the marriage 5 years ago when she had an affair but the mug that I am, I forgave her

my experience so far - if everyone involved wants to the right thing and there is some trust left, mediation will work.

If there is no trust, or people want to go for what they can get (under some notion of entitlement) rather than what they need, then its down the court route.

That''s what it has come to. No trust and she wants to fleece me for every penny