1st mediation session at lunchtime

Well we have first mediation session today at lunchtime which I am NOT looking forward to we haven''t spoken since August and we are in the same house!!

Any advice on how to keep calm through it would be appreciated as I have that knot of anger in my stomach already he his the type of person who is never wrong and knows everything and I am the root of all evil!

Mediation is always difficult. Whatever you feel may be a reasonable outcome, if the other party does not agree then it will fail.

It requires compromise by both parties and as such both parties perhaps getting less than what they want in different areas.

It really is about focus, laying down positions, reasons but not getting into lengthy arguments. The costs of mediation are high and every minute counts.

The best tip to stay calm is to talk via the mediator rather than directly to the Ex. Put your proposals and suggestions via the mediator and let him her help facilitate the discussion.

It is not uncommon for the 2 parties having to sit in different rooms with the mediator having to go between.

Good luck.

Phil

It''s only the first session so not a lot happens really, it''s more a case of listen to what the mediator says and asks, often in the beginning it''s about gathering information more than talking about sticking points.

As for anger and outbursts, it does no harm to count to five, if you still want to say it fine, the pause gives you time to think.

Hello - no useful advice for you as I decided (with regret) against mediation as my stbx had all the info, all the negotiation skills (I thought) and all the money (I thought) and had turned out to be a big fat liar. Also because the system does not require a sworn disclosure and any agreement has no teeth. But I wish we could have done it because the alternative is horrible and expensive so do give it a try.

I really just wanted to assure you that you cannot be the root of all evil because that role is apparently mine. It seems it is my fault that my husband abandoned me and the children out of the blue and lied to us for years before that while running up 6 figure debts left right and centre behind our backs. So you can''t be that bad.

Try not to let him get to you. Easier said than done I know, but it doesn''t half annoy them if you refuse to get riled. Try to imagine him constipated on the loo or something. Or if you find a more useful image please pass it on!

HAHA thanks Elizadoolittle, I will imagine him on the loo its not hard to do!!!! lol

I know that mediation isnt going to work as we have been before and he called her thick and hairy fairy about everything! so glad i decided to go back to the same mediator I thought she was lovely!

I think his problem is that he is never wrong and nobody can do this to him they have no right!!! Shame i did then

Try make it work like Eliza said - as like Eliza I knew my ex wouldn''t compromise so had no option to take the court route - over £25k and 4 years it''s still going on.
As like you my ex is always right - what''s his is his and what''s mine is his.
Even in court every time I dread going as the ex is there - I just sit stare at the judge or something else , don''t look at him in the eye, try to keep calm and imagining him on the loo is a great idea although I think if I did that I''d burst out laughing.
Sounds like it may not work as you''ll be wrong, the mediator will be wrong but for the sake of costs and your sanity I hope it does work.
All the Best.

thank you everyone will post once i get back