stbx thinks mediator will decide for us ...

Met 15 years ago, married 10 years, STBX left to live with coworker, now seeking divorce. Tried to agree settlement with ex but he made one offer and when I asked what the figures were based on he got very angry and has refused to discuss the matter with me since.

He says he has not discussed finances with his solicitor ... Nothing to do with her ... But has agreed to mediation. His income is 4x mine, with considerable pensions ... He believes they are nothing to do with me. And won''t believe otherwise.

Will a mediator give us guidelines on what could be a fair outcome? My ex believes that they will settle it all for us and refuses to discuss the matter with me. Although its five months since he emailed to say he had started the divorce, no one has asked me for any figures or about my life.

Advice would be much appreciated.

mediators will first want a full disclosure of all assets and all debts - including pensions.
Then they will attempt to help the two of you to agree on a split. They will not make any decision, they will not tell you what to do.
If it becomes clear that the two of you are not able to reach agreement, mediation will end and then you need to take it to solicitors.
Solicitors will negotiate on your behalf, and attempt to reach an agreement.
If still no agreement, you go to court.

If he refuses to make a full disclosure of all his finances, mediation will end right there.

Mediation only works if you have two people who are willing to co operate.

Mediator is there to act as a "referee", they will not tell you what you are entitled to or offer advice as to what you should offer or get.

If you stbx will not disclose what is asked for, like mine, then it will not work.

Thank you for the replies. You have confirmed something that has started to concern me ...

On reading about mediation it did make me wonder how they were actually useful in financial discussions if they don''t give advice on what you should offer or get - what are you paying hundreds per hour for?

Will the mediator at least outline what they court would/wouldn''t consider a fair division?

Regards

Mary

Loulou,

The mediator''s role is to facilitate a series of workshops to help you and your ex through a negotiation.

A mediator cannot provide legal advice on what is a fair settlement.

We provide a service that does provide you with that important legal advice on where you stand - it may be worth thinking about getting this advice before you start mediation.

Click this link below for info on how to get advice on a fair settlement:
Financial Consultation Service

Thanks, I''ll send the link to my stbx. I have been concerned that we would end up in court unless I accept a really rubbish settlement simply because my stbx really, really believes that his pensions etc are all his ..