need a reality check, or we will end up in court

stbx also logs in to Wiki but I''ve never seen him post - so may be he will read this.

We had our second mediation session today - full financial disclosure - and it became apparent we are nowhere near being on the same page. Mediators have asked us to think about whether it is worth carrying on, or hand the whole thing over to solicitors / the courts. I know we are both keen to avoid this, to reach an agreement, and to move on with our separate lives. SO we both need a reality check.

Main points of disagreement:
- we agreed we would aim for 50/50 split. Turns out stbx wants 50/50 split of realisable assets, but not to include our pensions.His pension is worth considerably more than mine.

- I disagree the valuation of his pension. He''s a firefighter. I have had a "quick" valuation of his pension, and it should be valued at 200k+ MORE than CETV. He says CETV is the figure to use, I say lets pay a suitably qualified professional to decide the correct value. (and can do the same for my pensions if he is unhappy with the valuation)

- we didn''t even get to my final "discussion" point, which is what % of pension is to be used if we are offsetting. Possibility of paying (the same) suitable qualified professional to provide an offsetting report was briefly mentioned. I would be in favour of that. He made no comment.

Obviously there is plenty more to be discussed, but we''re not going to be able to move forward with mediation at all if we can''t agree if pensions are IN or OUT, correct valuation of pensions, and % of pension to be used for offsetting.

Hi ljdh,

Public sector and forces pensions are notorious for being under valued by cetv as it does not give a true picture of the other benefits available to the scheme member.

Mine and my ex, both NHS and both under valued by cetv.

If your stbx wont agree, it is very likely that a judge would give Directions for a joint actuary to be appointed and a report made on all pensions. This is of course if he insists on going down the court route.

The report cost approximately £1000, so £500 each but much cheaper than involving court and solicitors.

You can request different percentage calculations so a good tool when working out offsetting.

I hope he sees sense for all your sakes.

Best wishes,

NWTT.

Thank you NWTT

About my first point ie stbx''s idea that pensions should not be included in the pot AT ALL... I know mediators can''t give legal advice, but I was surprised that they didn''t say *something* to make it clear that this idea was unrealistic. I was prepared for discussion about "how much is it worth" and "what % should be used for offsetting" but wasn''t prepared for "let''s ignore the pensions completely"

Are mediators not even allowed to comment when one party is suggesting something that''s a complete non-starter?