What now?

It has been now over 3 months since what I thought was my final mediation session ( 6 months of meetings). At that meeting I thought that my stbx and I had agreed a mesher order on the FMH and pension split, where my stbx would get £23,000 of my pension.

I have reduced mortgage to interest only which would enable my stbx to be able to afford payments and stay with the kids in the house.

Since June the mediator has written 3 reminder letters to my stbx asking her if we have an agreement and if he doesnt hear from her the matter will have to go to court. She has ignored them all.

My stbx emailed me last week to say that I had to bear with her while she considered her options

The reason why she maybe dragging her heals is that she now has a bf who seems to be staying more frequently at the fmh and this is perhaps having an influence on her agreeing to the mesher. ( The sale of the fmh would kick in if he is seen to be living there permanentley).

On Friday I again emailed the mediator asking for an update as it has been a month since his last letter to her . I am reluctant to go to court because of the cost and believe the outcome would be essentially the same ( ex staying in fmh) but what else can I do?

I believe through mediation I have made a a fair offer which secures her and the children in the fmh until my youngest is 18. How will the court view her behaviour ie months of mediation and wasting time/ignoring letters?

I entered the mediation process in good faith but in my case it seems to have been a waste of time.

It would appear that you have waited long enough. If I were in your position, I think I would say that you feel you have made a very fair offer and, unless she accepts it within ?a week/two weeks/a month (whatever you prefer), you will withdraw the offer.

She probably doesn't want to go to court either and you can always back-track and re-instate the existing offer.

Obviously I don't know the circumstances, but the home may not need to be sold; If he can afford it and is inclined to do so, the new bf could buy out your interest.

Thanks for your input Imediate.

Looks like I am going to have to speak to my solicitor again this week.

I haven't received a reply from the mediator either. I am beginning to think he is a bit of a wet blanket and on the whole the mediation process has been a bit of a waste of time.

Looks like I'm going to have to rack up legal fees

Just a quick update for those in similar situations.

I have received a reply from the mediator who tells me that stbx hasn't had any response to his letters and he now suggests court.

Spoke to my solicitor and he is writing giving her 14 days to respond, otherwise its off to court.

At the moment its costing me little as interest only on mortgage is same amount as CM. I am paying mortgage in lieu of CM .

I need to push this on though so I have a proper agreement. Cant understand why stbx delays.

Just had a call from the mediator. He tells me that stbx still hasnt't replied and our last appointment was in April!. He has now officially given up and is sending me back my CETV etc.

My Solicior has written to stbx and given her 14 dyas to respond. Doubt she will so looks like I'm off to court.

How much is this going to cost me now?

hi sorry to hear you have been having so much trouble...you would think it in her interest to sort things out....but it doesnt always work out that way .my stbx is the same stalling as much as possible..so im back to solicitor on monday to hopefully move things on...good luck sorting yours out and keep us posted....soobee

To keep costs down you can make the initial application yourself to the court. You still have to pay the court fee but you won't have to pay someone else an hourly rate to complete the details that you have given them onto a form! You could also write directly to your ex explaining what you are doing but that you are still happy to reach an agreement out of court if she so desires. Again, this is only what your sol would do but would charge you for the pleasure. Court costs can run into tens of thousands of pounds but this can be avoided if you do a lot of the legwork yourself and only use a sol for negotiations (if it gets that far). I suspect though that your ex might be jolted into action once the court machine starts rolling. You have made her a very fair offer and if she really does plan to live with the bf, that puts her in a slightly weaker position. I don't think a court would take too much notice of her dragging it out so long though; it's not fair, i know, but I think they would still put the children's needs (and therefore hers) first.