Am I depressed or is this normal?

Hi Lizzie

I had counselling for 8 months after my ex left - and I was on anti-depressants for some of that time too. I spent the first 6 weeks after ex left crying my eyes out.

But it will get better. I can''t say you''ll never feel lonely again - you will. But I do know that we are all much stronger than we think we are.

After my ex left I had to cope with the loss (we''d been together 31 years), two angry teenage boys and running a house and working part-time. Then my brother got cancer and then died suddenly. My brother-in-law committed suicide. Now I am going through divorce and coping with trying to sort out the finances, sell our house, go through all my stuff and downsize to buy a smaller property. Although it is exciting, I''ve also been very down, opening a box and finding it full of old Valentine''s card and other souvenirs.

But as my signature says, when you''re going through hell, keep going. Just put one foot in front of the other. It sounds as though you are doing all you can and I am sure it will pay off. As my 91-year-old Mum always says, no matter how long it rains, the sun always comes out afterwards!

Lizziejt wrote:

I have had therapy at several points over the years, but I can''t really change who I am. Any advice or similar experiences would be very welcome.

I hear this a lot. And the way you feel and what you say has nothing to do with what happened to you. You could be saying the same things if you were say a new person that had come to a new town for instance.

But you say you cant change. You can and you do. What you are say at work and what you are like sat in the bath having a soak is two different people. And the way you are when you have had a few drinks out with your mates is different again.

There is one golden rule. That is, if you suffer in silence then nothing will happen. You will be as you are for good.

But it doesnt have to be this way. You can change and you can have any kind of life you want. All it needs is a decision. And I guess you have taken the 1st step in making that decision as you have reached out to the good wikifolk.

So this is what I suggest you do. Join some salsa clubs and go to them. One of them will welcome you and make you feel comfortable. Keep trying. The world rewards triers.

Once you have an outlet, you wont feel so bad. And the rest is up to you. But remember the golden rule. You have to seek. Otherwise you wont find. Marshy.

Thanks Nell and Marshy for your wise words. Nell, you have been through such a lot that it puts my situation into perspective. I can''t say I am suddenly going to snap out of it - although I do feel much better again today - but I guess I will get there eventually with some more counselling. I think the divorce has affected my self esteem much more than I realised and also has made me question lots of areas of my life - my job, friends, where to live etc. as well who I am!
SO grateful for the support from you all, thank you xx

We all have our struggles, but we all have support here.

I wouldn''t have got through the early days without this site.