Children want to live with dad

Hi,

I disagree with people saying that the ex being a crossdresser has nothing to do with the kids and the mother should not tell them. It has everything to do with the kids and finding out about it from their mother (or both parents if it''s possible)is better than them coming home and discovering a father parading in high heels and full make up on. Imagine their shock and the psychological/emotional/physical effect it might have on them. Do you believe they won''t notice that he is living a secretive life? If it''s come to the point where the kids go to live with their father, they have to be prepared in most gentle and appropriate way.
A.

Augusta09 wrote:

Hi,

I disagree with people saying that the ex being a crossdresser has nothing to do with the kids and the mother should not tell them. It has everything to do with the kids and finding out about it from their mother (or both parents if it''s possible)is better than them coming home and discovering a father parading in high heels and full make up on. Imagine their shock and the psychological/emotional/physical effect it might have on them. Do you believe they won''t notice that he is living a secretive life? If it''s come to the point where the kids go to live with their father, they have to be prepared in most gentle and appropriate way.
A.

I believe the OP''s stbx has stated he wishes the children to be informed about his lifestyle choice by himself:

Whilst being a cross dresser in itself may not be an issue their dad said they can make a reasoned decision however, they should be informed by him about his lifestyle choice.

I do think as their father he has the right to explain how and when to his own children. I think it''s imperative he has this opportunity to do it in the way he feels best - anyone else''s interference could cause more problems than necessary here.

I''d also like to add that if it were anyone apart from the Dad informing the children about his lifestyle choice - how can they answer the questions that will come up?

Leave it to Dad, he can explain what he does, why he does it and answer any questions clearly and also give reassurance to the children.

Many people do not understand what cross dressing is and does not necessarily indicate sexual persuasion. Because it is so easy to misunderstand, it is best to leave it to someone who can directly answer any questions and respond to any confusion - the Dad.

Augusta09 - the kids live 3 hours away and have specified contact times with their Dad - I doubt they would be:

coming home and discovering a father parading in high heels and full make up on.

White Rose,

My assumptions was based in the event the kids moved in with their dad and he did not tell them, hence the shock they might get. Would he want to tell them something that might put them off when he is making so much effort to convince them to move in with him? I had a feeling that was what their mother meant in her post.

I just tried to imagine myself if my dad were to come out as a cross-dresser (whether sexual or not) when I was a teenager, on top of separation/divorce news. It would certainly cause a huge reaction and it wouldn''t be a happy one.

My main point is that they have to know before they make a decision. And if their father does not tell them, then it has to be the mother.
A.

I think it depends on the kids - kids nowadays are accepting and society is so diverse - they may say ''So what Dad, we love you anyway''

But no matter whether their reaction is shock or acceptance - it still should be Dad who tells them.

We''ll have to agree to disagree on this one

I agree dad should be the one to tell them, but i do think it should factor into their decision on whether to live with him full time or not. I would assume at present he has a fair amount of time to dedicate to his cross dressing and it isnt entirely secretive. This may have to change should the children live with him full time. I think its especially important that they dont stumble upon it by accident, and that the children are able to make informed decisions based on all the facts.

I really do feel their dad should tell them. They do need to know what they are getting into. I would rather not tell them but I wont agree to them going without their knowing. I know when I found out I was upset and disappointed. Being lied to was awful and it was not a situation I would have knowingly got into.
I have tried to protect my kids but my ex has blamed the whole divorce on me because he knew I wouldn''t tell them what he was like (drinking and all). If they go they must do it fully aware of their situation.