Emotional Abuse

Hi,

Can anyone please help me? I am splitting up from my partner of 6 years and we have a 2 year old daughter together. We met after he had divorced his wife; he has a son by his marriage and is now 8 years old. The reason why we are slitting up is that I have endured 6 years of hell and emotional abuse from his controlling ex wife and can no longer take it. Because I said no to something she wanted (1st time in 6 years) she is now saying that I am not able to see their son.

She is saying that this is making her ill and now their son is also having time off school as it is making him ill - hence the emotional abuse (children feed of feeling from their parents) I have said that because I work 5 days a week my time with my daughter is precious but at no point would I ever stop brother from seeing sister, but I would want to be there and not spend less time with my daughter over the weekend.

This woman is a nasty bully that will stop at no length to get what she wants and will use any kind of mental/emotional abuse to get the result.

For some reason she has total control over my ex partner and he will always do as she says (easy life) but I am now getting concerned about how this is affecting their son and I really want to make sure that I am around to make sure my daughter does not have to witness this (shouting, screaming, door slamming, crying and abusive phone calls to my ex partner)Do I have the rights to insist that I must be with my daughter when she is seeing her brother as I do want them to stay in contact. I have only met the ex wife once as I do not want to be part of this abuse.

Would it be possibel to make arrangements so that your daughter has contact with her dad at the same time (or some of the same times) as he has contat with his son? That way, the siblings will see each other and you don't have to have any dealings with your partner's ex.

Presumably if you and your partner are separating your daughter will be spending time with her father. You can ask him to ensure that his ex is not present during that contact.

I am not clear from our qustion wehther you are wanting to have contact with your step-son in your own right, or simply to ensure that he and your daughter spend time together. If you do want to see him you can make proposals for contact but I thnk if his mother is strongly opposed to such contact it would be very difficult to make it a success, and might place your step son in a worse position as he is likely to face the brunt of any repercusions from his mother.

Sorry for not explaining myself clearly enough. My partner stays at his mothers and fathers every weekend he has his son as we live in small one bedroom flat that is not big enough for 4 of us to stay (all we can afford due to the payment to his ex wife). I am not trying to deny my partner access. I would happily take our daughter around to his parents at the weekend to see her brother, grandparents and partner(ex)I get on really well with his parents and his son (but I am not sure how his son will react to me now) I am not trying to deny anyone access. I am just not going to be bullied into not being able to spend time with my child just because this woman has said so, and to be honest I do not trust her, when she says jump, my ex says how high (which is his decision) I have never involved myself in any arguments between them, never said a bad word against her in front of her son as I know that this would only make matters worse. She suffers with bipolar so we never know how she is going to react so I do feel I need to protect my daughter from her.

Do you trust his parents?
If so, could you arrange that your daughter sees her dad (and her brother if he is there) at her grandparents home on the understanding that the grandparents will step in to take your daughter out (and/or bring her back to you) in the event that your partner's ex shows up.

Are you saying that your partner's ex would tell him to take your daughter to her home, or allow her to spend time with your daughter, and that he would do so?

I apprecuiiate that he finds it hard to stand up to her (perhaps for fear of losing contact with his son) but I am still not clear what you think she will, or may, do in relation to your daughter.

My partner and I have been split up for 2 weeks now. My daughter is perfectly happy as I believe that not involving children and not exposing them to situations keeps their lives happy and stable. I am not married and my partner has not paid towards his daughter ever due to his outgoings to his ex wife. I do not trust his ex wife just turning up at his parents. I do not trust his ex wife ringing him and verbally abusing him over the phone in front of my daughter, Their son must always be the centre of attention and when he does not get his own way can really kick up a fuss and has no respect for his grandparents or his dad, my partner will not do anything about this as he is frightened of the consequences from the mother. Son is already telling our daughter that daddy is his daddy and he was here first. I do not blame the son for the way he is, deep down he is a lovely boy that I care for he is just a victim in this.

The reason all this has happened is that his son said that for his birthday he wanted to go for a meal with his mummy, daddy and sister after school on a Friday. I said that it was a lovely idea (NOT, she has never shown interest in my daughter for 2 years) but after a whole week at nursery she is normally very tired and grumpy by Friday at 5.00. I explained that I would get her a good nights rest as we were going to have a party at Nana’s and Grandad’s on Saturday for his birthday and he was totally happy and understood and finished the conversation with it was mummy’s idea not mine. She is the one that went totally off her head and like I say the first time in 6 years I did not give into her demands this is how it has turned out.

Also it was my partners choice to choose his path (his ex wife over his family) and as I have said I work 5 days a week full time so weekends are time to spend with my daughter if my partner chooses to go along with his ex wife’s wishes of me not seeing their son why should I be punished by having my daughter taken from me. Again, it is not me denying access.

Hi, Can the ex wife force my ex partner not to allow me to see his son, We all had a lovely time on Saturday at my ex partners mums as son wanted to see me as well.

I have been thinking hard about this and I do not see why I should let this woman destroy my family. I am not scared of this nasty woman but she has told my ex that as she has sole custody of son she decides who can see son and their is nothing he can do about it. My ex partner wants us toget back together but it would be pretty difficult (weekends, birthdays, xmas, holidays)

Can she do this?

Does your ex have parental rights for this son? If so, he can decide who his son sees when son is in his care.

But if his ex wife is determined to be obstructive she can make things very difficult, especially as your ex doesn't seem to be able to stand up to her.