Do I tell her

I''ve just found out my ex is now appealing against the CM he has been told to pay me. I''m so annoyed he is on holiday yet again with OW they have plenty of money, they had another holiday abroad last month and are building a huge extension on there house while he quibbles £50 a week CM. he doesn''t think he should pay anything, he sees D about once a month for one night and has never taken her on holiday anywhere. my question to you all is do I tell my teenage daughter or keep it from her? All the articles I read say protect your childeren, don''t involve them in your arguments. But should she not know her dad would rather see us struggle than pay anything towards her upkeep? Is it a good lesson to know that we have to be careful with our money because I have to rely on my wadges and tax credits because he doesn''t want to help?

No dont tell her.

With the benefit of personal experience I would say don''t tell her.

Never involve your children in financial matters between parents and never discuss it in front of them.

It''s an issue best kept between adults. Even teenagers only need to know the bare facts so they can make sense of what is happening. It''s bad enough your daughter only sees her father once a month & doesn''t go on holiday with him without her being made to feel more insecure by knowing he doesn''t contribute towards her maintenance.

Children who are insecure about a parent tend to grow up with low self esteem leading to behavioural & emotional problems later. That''s one of the most damaging things to children of separated families & the reason why they shouldn''t be involved in arguments between parents.

I agree with everyone else.

What would be the point of telling her? It would just upset her and damage her relationship with him and probably with you too.

That doesn''t mean you can''t give her practial advice about managing money. Many people, for all sorts of reasons, have to live within a tight budget. She can know that you need to be careful - and that''s a good thing anyway - without needing to know the ins and outs of your income.

Thanks for all your advice I will keep it to myself it just annoys me that he pretends he is a good dad when in reality he couldn''t give a dam what happens to her.

Dont forget, she will see for herself she''ll hear about the holidays, see the extension and the differences in lifestyle - my experience is you don''t need to tell them - they''ll see it for themselves if not now in due course! And she''ll love you more for all you do for her!