How to proceed?

Hi,

I'm looking for some thoughts regarding my current position. It's a long story so I'll try and keep it to recent facts only.

My ex and I split 20 months ago. We have just gone through the final hearing and it was acrimonious to say the least as she does not negotiate.

Our 15 year old son walked out 5 months ago to come and live with me because of contact issues amongst others. Our 15 year old daughter resides mainly with my ex and various friends and family members and currently I have no contact with her though I still keep all channels open. Cafcass stated last year in one of their reports that they felt my ex was using her as her best friend and go between which they felt was damaging to her wellbeing. She ceased contact with me after she disappeared on new years day and the police had to be called as I could not find out her whereabouts after she had left her friends house on her way back to mine. Her mother apparently knew where she was but preferred not to pass on the information or answer my calls.

Our yongest son is the subject of a contact order for twice weekly telephone contact and 4 nights every two weeks. This contact order was issued in may and as such contains the enforcement warning. It is to be reveiwed again in august and the cafcass report investigated further as there are a number of inaccuracies which the court is to look at further and I have provided evidence for.

The telephone contact was put in by the judge as he had concerns that a two week gap between contact was too long. Particularly after the previous status quo was an interim overnight and over half the school holidays.

After the contact order was issued in may my ex emailed me twice to say she was booking a holiday and as such I would loose my contact time. I replied politely and suggested that I wanted him to have a holiday with myself and his brother and requested a week at the end of august and put forward a suggestion that we both write to the court confirming the agreement.

I received no reply.

Telephone contact has then been denied since June 22nd apart from on two occasions with the latest claim being that he has lost his phone and that she has no intentions of allowing him to speak to myself or his brother.

I sent a recorded delivery letter requesting that telephone contact be reinstated and asking for a reply to my emails. Recorded delivery has not been collected.

I have now found out following a discussion with her new partner last night that not only am I harassing her but that they're all abroad with our son and his son and that again I cannot speak to my child. I was initially told that they were camping in cornwall. This weekend is my weekend (starting on thursday) and as such contact will not happen again.

Her new family consists of the boyfriend she introduced to the children two weeks after we split (and he seems alright from what the children have told me), his son aged 7 and our youngest son. There is no place for the two older children hence why our daughter is rarely at home and is not included in trips or holidays and also why our son walked out to live with me.

It is not my intention to deny our son a holiday (this will be his first holiday with his mum in the 18 months but his mum's 4th holiday) but I do feel that there is a blatent disregard for the contact order. All I in fact asked in my replies to her emails was could we work together to our mutual benefit and for the best outcome possible for the children. IE could they have two holidays one with each parent.

Our daughter has been sent to stay at granny at grandad's (in their 70's) at a caravan.

The last weekend I saw my youngest son he spent three out of the four nights in my bed and was very clingy telling me how much he loves me. The time before that he was in tears as he wouldn't see me for two weeks and couldn't understand why particularly as I coach his football team and he no longer gets to go if he's not with me.

I am also concerned about the fact that telephone contact is being used as a form of punishment and the excuse for it's removal is always that myself or one of our sons has in some way done something wrong and therefore no one gets to speak rather than for our childrens wellbeing.

I have sent a copy of the recorded delivery letter and emails to the court and I'm unsure as to the best way to proceed from here? If I submit an enforcement request to the court will this be seen as petty? My intentions are not to seem that I'm refusing my son a holiday (albeit my agreement obviously meant nothing anyway as they went) but that this constant denial of telephone contact is not healthy for either son. I am also concerned about this blatent disregard for the contact order even though she knows we're back in court in August.

My eldest has also now been informed that his sister and brother are to change their names as well which will cause further alienation.

Does anyone have any idea's or suggestions?

T

To take your last point first, the children's names can only be changed with your consent.

I think you would be wise to apply to the courts as this situation could just get worse. Your ex clearly doesn't understand that contact is for the children's benefit.

Nell

Unfortunately her point would be that she'd do it anyway and bluff it out afterwards but my intention is to ask the judge to remind her re name changes at the hearing in august.

To be honest to keep fighting all this is very damaging to everyone and each and everything isn't straight forward and there is no concern whatsoever with regard to the children which are only hers apparently apart from the oldest son who she rarely speaks to apart from to shout.

I encourage him to visit and speak to his mum but it gets harder to do when it's touch and go what her reaction will be. On his birthday he went with me to drop his younger brother off and say hello and all he got was a hug on the doorstep and a card luckily I've learnt by past behaviour to wait around for a bit and was there to take him home again. He went to have tea last week with his brother and sister and his mum (unfortunately no other adult was there) and she proceeded to shout at him that his father owed her money and she was going to loose the house in two weeks (which is rubbish and just her way of causing trouble). Naturally he walked out. Last year she spent her time trying to get him written off as disabled (for the extra money) and luckily the educational psychologist put a stop to that.

Even the normal benefits for our oldest child have been a battle which is still ongoing as she is still claiming 5 months later that he still resides with her for working tax credit, child tax credit, child benefit and csa. The csa at least have accepted the letter from cafcass and have now removed him from the calculation and the child benefit are doing it from May with an investigation being done into the other 3 months. Tax credits have the file with senior management for a decision due to the claim he is still with her.

T

Does anyone have any other thoughts or information on the enforcement of contact orders at all?

Mine is the new style contact order with the warning clearing stated regarding breech.

T

Proceed with enforcement. It is highly likely she will pull back and gain some sense.

People need to understand that enforcement options are there for a reason and for anyone that thinks it is a bluff, the courts do send mommies to jail for breach of contact order if that's what it takes to get the message through.

You can't be reasonable with a person incapable of reason T.

Thank you for that, I'm sure it's the right thing to do and I've found the necessary forms etc for the enforcement order.

Does anyone have any info or outcomes as to what happens with them?

There seems to have been a few people put them in but no real information as to what happens from there??

She may yet surprise me when I text tonight and ask if I can speak to him but in view of whats happened over the last few weeks and what happened on monday when her new partner got involved I'm not hopeful. I'm 100% positive our son won't be there when I go to pick him up as stated and my day off on friday won't be wasted though as I'll be working on my court documentation and taking it down to the court.

T